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The Daily Wildcat

61° Tucson, AZ

The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat

 

    “On the Spot: Mary DeCamp, Corporation Bride”

    Who is getting married today?

    We are the brides! We are looking for eligible partners around. The university is going corporate to take care of that budget, so we have come here to find corporate husbands.

    Are you brides making a parody out of the university policy?

    No, no, we are looking for the most eligible men out there just like any woman.

    Have any caught your eye so far?

    I want Ray Theon, the big missile producer out in South Tucson — billion dollar contracts. They’ve got so much money. You bet.

    Have you ever been or are actually married?

    I am eligible at this time.

    Do you believe in life after love?

    Oh yes, I live for love! Love is life. That is why we are here today. Hopefully we are going to have offspring, especially since corporations are so good at screwing you. I should have interesting sex for the rest of my life. I just hope he doesn’t use me for corporation anchor baby.

    What are you going to wear on your wedding night?

    (Lifts skirt up and reveals) I have UA panties! What else?

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