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The Daily Wildcat

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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat

 

    Lessons in practicality

    Fall is just around the corner and soon college campuses across the country will be filled with incoming freshmen moving into dorm rooms, and seasoned college veterans just trying to survive another year.

    With survival come innovative ways of trying to get by in a tough, ever increasing economy.

    If, for example your niche is culinary arts (even though UA doesn’t offer it as a major), you will soon find yourself enrolled in Top Ramen 321. In this course you will learn the primary ways of making Ramen, from pork flavor to steak to mixing in the teriyaki flavor. After all, when you’re a poor, starving college student, Ramen will become your friend.

    We’ve also made this course upper division – that way you can get a head start on your required course credits needed to graduate.

    Once you’ve mastered Ramen 321, a class for you engineering majors is Coffee Table Building 121, a prerequisite course to Advance Coffee Table Building 422. In Coffee Table Building 121, you will learn how to take four 8-by-8-by-16 blocks and a 3-by-6 sheet of plywood and create a coffee table. In the advance class you will learn how to take that same coffee table and transform it into a beer pong table. Also key in this course is bookshelf building – you are in college, after all. For this I suggest a 4-by-6 piece of wood and a glass block. The glass block will give your bookshelf more character and class.

    Party Patio Decorating 442 combines the following majors into one mandatory course, Architecture and Electrical Engineering. The architecture comes in the form of the design and building of a party patio, from securing the bamboo fencing along the railings to the installation of the bamboo curtain over the entryway. The electrical engineering portion entails stringing up Christmas lights and installing a black light over the entryway.

    Add a couple of chairs and a fake palm tree in the corner, along with good music, and you have a quintessential chilled atmosphere where you can allow the alcohol take away the stress of school while getting lost in the great sounds of The Doors and

    Bob Dylan.

    This course is open to all majors, including those of us in the journalism program.

    Now, chances are at some point during your college career you’re going have a run-in with the local law enforcement. May I suggest for the future lawyers out there, Red Tag Proceedings 321. In this course you will learn the proper way of negotiating with law enforcement with the utmost respect for them, while trying to convince them why you shouldn’t get a red tag – despite that you have seven kegs and 400 of your closest friends with you, 350 of whom you don’t even know.

    With a new school year approaching, I give a warm welcome to all the new

    Wildcats.

    – Rodney Haas is a journalism junior. He can be reached at

    letters@wildcat.arizona.edu.

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