Man pees on cop car with both hands tied behind his back

On June 27 at 3:16 a.m., a University of Arizona Police Department officer initiated a traffic stop at the corner of North Cherry Avenue and East Speedway Boulevard after observing an SUV make an illegal turn.

Upon approaching the driver of the vehicle, he saw three more passengers in the car and noticed the strong odor of an intoxicant coming from inside the vehicle. He also saw two open cans of Four Loko Watermelon Flavored Premium Malt Beverage in the cup holders of the center console.

The driver informed the officer that he was a designated driver and that he and his friends were “”just driving around the area trying to find some girls.”” All four passengers were identified via their Air Force identification cards.

The officer administered Breathalyzer tests to the four men. The driver showed no signs of an intoxicant in his system, but the other passengers all tested positive after initially denying any alcohol consumption — one explaining that he had lied because he feared being discharged from the Air Force for underage drinking.

One passenger who had been verbally aggressive to the officer was handcuffed before the administration of the Breathalyzer test. Later, when he was escorted to the side of the patrol car for transportation, and while he was notably handcuffed with his hands behind his back, he managed to reach a hand around, pull his pants down and urinate on the patrol vehicle. 

The driver and one passenger were cited for open container and underage consumption violations, respectively, and released at the scene. The other two passengers, including the Harry Houdini of peeing on cop cars, were transported to the Pima County Jail, but the waterworks were not yet over. In a heroic flourish of fluid-based protest, demonstrating an impressive capacity of bladder and will, Houdini proceeded to urinate a second time, this time against the wall of the processing area of the county jail. The matter was brought to the attention of the jail staff.

We have the same car — let’s race

On June 28 at 2:51 a.m., a UAPD officer was stopped at the intersection of North Cherry Avenue and East Speedway Boulevard when he observed two vehicles: a red Honda and a white Honda, traveling side-by-side at an excessive speed — estimated to be 70 mph in the 35 mph zone.

The officer pursued the cars and watched while they turned rapidly down North Mountain Avenue, in what he believed was an attempt to avoid police contact. When he followed them, he observed the red Honda turn west onto East Second Street, while the white Honda turned east onto East Second Street.

He pursued and stopped the white Honda while he radioed the description of the red Honda to another officer in the area, who successfully apprehended the vehicle. Under questioning, the driver of the vehicle explained that he had been racing the other car because they had “”the same style cars.”” He explained that he didn’t know the driver of the rival Honda and no words had ever been exchanged between them. Their unspoken struggle had begun when they fatefully stopped to refuel at the same Circle K, where they were then forced to confront an unpleasant threat to their own individuality in the form of another man’s Honda, in what was likely an intensely emotional encounter.

The driver of the red Honda corroborated the story of the anonymous altercation and both drivers were cited and released at the scene.

All right, who pooped in the catacombs?

On June 29 at 4:34 a.m., a UAPD officer on bike patrol in the area of Fourth Street and Park Avenue noticed a man climbing over a gate that leads to the underground tunnels on the west side of the Anthropology building. He appeared to be pulling up his shorts.

The officer made contact with the man at the southwest corner of the Anthropology building and identified him.

When asked what he was doing in the tunnels, the man explained that he needed to “”find somewhere dark so I could take a leak.”” The officer eyed him knowingly and asked if that was really all he did. The man, understanding that the jig was up, admitted that he also “”took a dump.””

The officer then walked over to the entrance of the tunnel where he saw “”human fecus,”” which ””appeared to be fresh.””

Now that everything was out in the open, the man felt comfortable explaining that he had merely been walking through campus when he was suddenly taken short. He was cited for criminal littering and warned not to return to campus unless he had a legitimate reason. UA Ground Maintenance responded to remove the waste but the abashed man insisted on cleaning it up himself, which he did.

Later in the day, a UAPD officer responded to a report of a young man loitering in the men’s locker room in Bear Down Gym. He was allegedly sitting fully clothed in the corner of the shower room with the shower running. When the officer arrived, the male hesitantly explained that he had been using the shower in order to avoid going home smelling of alcohol. The officer recognized him as the man from the earlier encounter. When asked if he had had previous contact with the police that day and what he had been cited for, the man stated that he couldn’t remember. He was cited with Second Degree Trespass and sent on his way.