Valentine’s Day steals Arizona’s thunder

Happy Arizona Statehood Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day, too. But not so happy that you feel compelled to smush your face against that of your significant other’s while we stand too close in the crowded line of Starbucks during its morning rush. Especially if we’re so close that I can hear the awkward sound of your mouths sticking together and pulling apart in a sloppy, pre-breakfast kiss. That’s just not my cup of tea, thanks.

Today, women everywhere are being disappointed and men are apologizing without knowing why. What a waste of a day. Red roses are useless, and those overpriced chocolates are unnecessary. But the worst part is the prevalence of public displays of affection.

Could it be that I am a bitter, single girl, fearful of being on the way to cat lady status? Perhaps I just begrudge all these happy couples, paired off on this fine Valentine’s Day, in their coupled bliss.

Nope. It’s more likely that I am running late, but not late enough to be willing to risk getting hit by a car while walking in the street. Unfortunately, all those blissful couples are taking up far too much room on the sidewalk. It wouldn’t be a big deal if they were walking side by side, or holding hands. But hugging while walking, arms wrapped too tightly around each other’s waists, feels like an invitation to play a particularly painful game of Red Rover. Just let go of each other. No one walking toward or behind you can get around you. Besides, it cannot be easy to walk as if you and your other half are attached at the hip like creepy, incestuous conjoined twins.

Granted, I’d rather you two move at the pace of snails if it means you’re moving at all. For the love of Cupid, nothing gives you the right to stop mid-conversation to kiss each other, specifically if the conversation includes a third party. Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak has stepped down. The military is dissolving parliament and suspending the constitution.

But wait a moment.

Pause so that you can wriggle your faces toward each other, scrunch your eyes shut and peck each other on the mouth. Return to the conversation as normal. What? Who knew two seconds could be so intensely uncomfortable?

Valentine’s Day is sickly sweet, but Statehood Day never tires of cowboy hats and bolo ties. Today, let’s remember the five C’s of Arizona: Copper, cotton, cattle, citrus and climate, not coupledom.

— Kristina Bui is the opinions editor for the Daily Wildcat.