Nutritional sciences … does that have any influence on your choice of meal?

Hell no. God no.

What is it you’re eating right now?

Bagel sandwich. Everything on it.

Let’s get a nice visual for the readers.

Um, cheese … loads of meat … and pretty much every vegetable you can imagine. And they wouldn’t put any mayonnaise or mustard on it for me because they’re dicks.

They wouldn’t?

No. I guess – I don’t know – bagel sandwich. I guess that’s for the actual sandwiches.

Do they not realize you can put anything together as long as there’s mayonnaise on it?

That’s what I said. As long as you put two pieces of bread together and you pile everything in the middle, it’s a sandwich.

See what I used to do, we’d have bread, we’d have cheese, and we’d have mayonnaise. And you got a sandwich right there.

I was one of the Dagwoods – you ever watch that old, old comic…?

Yes!

…where he’d go in the fridge and come out with fish and stuff? That’s how I used to make my sandwiches. With like a fish head.

Mystery meat.

Yeah, exactly.

What’s your mystery meat of choice.

Meatloaf.

Meatloaf?

It’s exotic.