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Super Cool News: Surviving the post-election Thanksgiving dinner

Don%26apos%3Bt+be+intimidated+by+a+turkey+-+its+just+a+really+big+chicken.+%28Juli+Leonard%2FRaleigh+News+%26amp%3B+Observer%2FTNS%29+
Juli Leonard
Don't be intimidated by a turkey – its just a really big chicken. (Juli Leonard/Raleigh News & Observer/TNS)

Editor’s note: Super Cool News is a Daily Wildcat feature that shares the, yes, coolest news happening around town and around the country. Try not to take what its writers have to say too literally.

Many Americans found themselves filled with everything from shock and disgust to anger and joy when it became official Donald Trump, who had attained 270 electoral votes, would serve as the 45th President of the United States.

Many citizens see this as the biggest crisis currently facing the nation. However, with the country so deeply divided, there looms a far greater issue facingAmerica today.

You guessed it—Thanksgiving.

A day that once consisted of consuming massive amounts of food and politely trying to show your family you’ve had a more successful year than them will now likely turn into an unprecedented political showdown.

If you will plan to interact with people from both sides of the political divide at this year’s Thanksgiving dinner, follow these tips to avoid the most awkward meal of your life. First of all, make sure everyone agrees beforehand on the type of turkey appropriate for this year’s festivities. In past years, many families seemed content with just about any big old bird, but a wrong choice in turkey this year could create tension lasting for generations to come.For example, a Trump supporter might want to deport the turkey back to wherever it came from, and may also insist on building a protective wall around the property so that no other turkeys like it can ever pass through again.

RELATEDSuper Cool News: How to keep the ‘rents away from Family Weekend next year

A Hillary Clinton supporter, on the other hand, could likely spend the rest of Thanksgiving pouting and crying over the turkey, saying they need “me time.” They may even go so far as to engage in an anti-turkey protest around town while Trump supporters are simultaneously devouring said turkey at their own leisure.

Also, be sure to ignore political conversation with family members at all costs. Keep a mental radar going at all times, and if any words such as Trump, Clinton, politics, president, wall, email, or others come up, act like you have just discovered a bomb in the room and get out of there immediately. Resurface only when you know the environment is again safe—though using the term “safe space” might spark another unwanted debate.

Always ensure nothing about your appearance alludes to for whom you voted. This should seem pretty obvious, but it will still cause headaches for many students come Thursday.

Leave the “Trump: Make America Great Again” or the “I’m With Her” shirts at home. Please. As much as you may love and want to emulate Trump’s beautiful hair, don’t go to Thanksgiving dinner sporting freshly-dyed blonde hair and full-on Trump-cut.

Thanksgiving should serve as a day to catch up with loved ones, watch football, relax and eat. Did you see pointless arguing over political views on that list? I didn’t think so. Try to have a normal, relaxing Thanksgiving and save all the political arguing crap for a December holiday—after the gifts have been opened, of course.

Follow these tips and you should be able to minimize the damage done this Thursday. It’s up to you, dear reader, to save your family from destroying themselves on a holiday purposefully created to bridge cultural differences.

Good luck. 

RELATED: Super Cool News: How to deal with bad roommates


Follow Alec Kuehnle on Twitter.


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