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Mouse Social Security costs: Researchers at Harvard University have found that by tweaking the telomerase gene in mice, they were able to reverse aging in several subject mice, including restoring fertility and cognitive function. Put down those dreams of drinking from the fountain of youth though, because apparently altering human DNA is frowned upon in this establishment. Killjoy scientists …

Loose lips, sinking ships: The watchdog group WikiLeaks published tens of thousands of classified military documents detailing some of the more unsavory aspects of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Middle East leaders have expressed both frustration and anger over how some of them are portrayed in previously secret military communications, causing them to resent the United States and its leaders. Shame on WikiLeaks for making Middle Eastern leaders dislike the United States. Shame. 

Kim Jong making us ill: The next time you and your friends sit down to play a game of diplomatic Clue, just guess Kim Jong-Il in the Yellow Sea with the artillery and chances are you’ll be right.

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Living comedic legends: Leslie Nielsen, star of such comic classics like “”Naked Gun,”” “”Airplane,”” and “”Scary Movie 4,”” died from complications with pneumonia at the age of 84. I think I speak for all of us when I say, “”Good luck, Mr. Nielsen, we’re all counting on you.””

The Christmas spirit: 19-year-old Mohamed Osman Mohamud was arrested for attempting to detonate a van he believed to be filled with explosives in Portland, Ore., during a town tree-lighting ceremony. Mohamud, a naturalized citizen from Somalia, was captured after a yearlong undercover investigation by the Justice Department.

Bonuses from Uncle Sam: President Barack Obama announced a two-year pay freeze that will keep wages stagnant for all federal employees in an attempt to trim the federal deficit. Tell that to all those employees trying to trim their trees, Mr. Obama, if that is your real name.