Cop follows burger trail to poop in closet

A University of Arizona Police Department officer responded to the west side of the Arizona Stadium at 540 N. Vine Ave. on Sunday at 1:39 p.m. about UA property damage.

The officer met with a UA employee working in the tree ring laboratory, who stated he saw the folding gate at Gate 13 had been bent and broken.

The officer reported that the gate looked bent back just enough to allow someone to fit through it.

On the ground, in front of the gate, was an open bag of Gardetto’s snacks, as well as pieces of hamburger and bacon.

The man reporting the damage also reported that several doors inside of the laboratory officers were opened but that nothing seemed to be missing. When the man checked the open door to the custodial closet, he saw what looked like human feces inside the trashcan.

Outside the custodial room were also pieces of the hamburger, as well as the chips and more pieces of bacon.

The officer left a message with UA custodial crew, letting them know of the incident. UA Facilities Management was also told of the damage to the fence.

One unlocked door leads to thousands lost

A UAPD officer was called to the Santa Cruz Residence Hall on Sunday at 12:50 a.m. about a theft from a dorm room.

The residents of the room told the officer that they had left the room on Saturday at 11 p.m. to go to Highland Market and hang out with their friends.

When the men returned to their room, they realized they had forgotten to lock the door and saw that some of their property had been taken.

Among the items stolen were a 15 inch black HP laptop worth $1,200, a 17 inch silver Macbook computer worth $1,800 and a black 3G Apple iPhone worth $250.

Neither of the residents had any idea who could have taken their property.

But officer, everyone is doing it

A UAPD officer was on patrol on Tyndall Avenue near the Coronado Residence Hall on Sunday at 2:35 a.m., when he saw a woman staggering toward the dorms.

While performing a welfare check on the woman, the officer noticed that she smelled of alcohol and had bloodshot eyes.

The woman was identified by her Oregon driver’s license, and a records check showed she was underage.

The officer told the woman he was going to cite and release her. She then told the officer, “”My parents can’t afford this. Every girl walking by is intoxicated, you’re hassling me,”” and “”I hope you made fucking payroll.””

When the officer asked the woman where she had been drinking, she stated she thought she was drinking at one of the fraternities but was not sure.

The officer cited the woman for minor in possession in body, and she was released on scene.

Naked man in dorm leads to police, helicopter chase

A UAPD officer responded to the Colonia de la Paz Residence Hall on Sunday at 2:07 a.m. after an on-duty resident assistant called to report an assault.

The RA told the officer that she and another RA were doing their 2 a.m. rounds, when they walked in on a naked woman and man having sex in the second floor study room.

The RAs asked both of the La Paz residents for their CatCards so a resident life incident report could be made.

After the woman handed over her information and continued being cooperative, the man became very aggressive and refused to give his name or CatCard.

While the RA was holding the woman’s card behind her back, the man grabbed her wrist and pulled her arm to the front of her.

Once she broke his grip, the RA reported that the man went to his room. When he found out that UAPD was being called, he left the area.

The RA stated the man was obviously drunk and told the officer she was not hurt.

When the officer went to the man’s room, his roommate said that he had not seen the man all day but gave the officer his phone number.

The officer called the man’s cell phone. The man said he did not want to talk to police until the morning and hung up the phone.

At 3 a.m., UAPD was told that the Tucson Police Department had the man in custody after someone made a 911 call about a man standing in his yard on University Boulevard.

A TPD officer told UAPD that, when they arrived at the property, the man took off running. Eight patrol cars and a helicopter were involved in the foot chase.

The man told the officer he had run because he knew the police were looking for him and he did not want to get a minor in possession. He also stated that, at 7 p.m., his friend bought him a 12 pack of Budweiser beer, and he drank eight of the beers alone in his dorm room at La Paz.

TPD charged the man with underage person with spirituous liquor in body, and he was transported back to his dorm room.