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The Daily Wildcat

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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat

 

    Mel’s outburst: Is he for real?

    The jury is still out: Is Mel Gibson, who was arrested August 1 for drunk driving, an anti-Semite?

    The question arises because, as everyone probably knows by now, Gibson reacted to his arrest by reeling off a foul-mouthed tirade against Jews, declaring that they “”are responsible for all the wars in the world”” and inquiring of the arresting deputy: “”Are you a Jew?””

    The deputy in question, 17-year-old James Mee (who, incidentally, is indeed Jewish), was kind in his assessment: “”That stuff is booze talking.””

    Gibson, upon regaining his sanity, was contrite: “”I acted like a person completely out of control when I was arrested and said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable. I am deeply ashamed of everything I said.””

    Well, I for one believe Mr. Gibson. I do not for one second think that this fine and upstanding man would ever succumb to the poison of racial hatred.

    I can’t bring myself to believe that the man who made “”The Passion of the Christ,”” which New York Daily News critic Jami Bernard called “”the most virulently anti-Semitic movie made since the German propaganda films of World War II,”” truly distrusts and despises an entire race.

    When Mel said of his Holocaust-denying father, who believes that the world is run by a Jewish conspiracy, “”My dad has never told me a lie,”” I’m sure what he really meant was that his dad has never brought up the subject around him.

    Asked if the Holocaust happened, Gibson responded: “”Yes, of course. Atrocities happened. War is horrible. The Second World War killed tens of millions of people. Some of them were Jews in concentration camps.””

    Never mind that the Holocaust was not the product of war, that it was a unique event even among atrocities, that it was an insane campaign to murder every Jewish person on the planet. I’m sure Mel meant well.

    After all, many people say things they know to be untrue under the terrible influence of alcohol. After a few drinks, why shouldn’t anyone start doubting what their history teachers have told them?

    Why, it wasn’t long after I had my last raspberry wine cooler I found myself doubting the popular notion that the earth revolves around the sun.

    “”It’s a lie!”” I heard myself shouting. “”This man Copernicus is trying to overturn the absolute authority of the Bible! Any fool can see that the sun revolves around the earth!””

    Fortunately, there were no policemen around to record my appalling outburst. Nevertheless, I apologize with all my heart to the descendants of Copernicus, should there be any remaining.

    Then there was the time I polished off the remainder of a friend’s cranberry vodka. One minute I was perfectly calm and reasonable, the next I found myself doubting that there ever was any such person as Napoleon.

    “”The guy never existed!”” I insisted to my friend. “”Do they seriously expect us to believe that a short, pudgy Frenchman once ruled a third of the Western world? Isn’t it funny that not one living person has ever met this man? I can’t believe people are gullible enough to believe this nonsense!””

    Needless to say, I am dreadfully ashamed of this ridiculous outburst. After a careful examination of the relevant volume of the Encyclopedia Britannica, I have concluded that I had no right to smear Napoleon’s good name by declaring he didn’t exist. I can only hope his reputation will not be permanently marred by my reckless disregard for the facts.

    Most shameful of all was the time I took three spoonfuls of a cough syrup which turned out to be mildly narcotic. By the time the evening was through, I was reduced to a raving lunatic who no longer believed the dinosaurs ever existed.

    “”I can’t believe they want us to swallow this tripe!”” I declared. “”Just because someone found some old rocks that look like bones, they expect us to believe that the earth used to be ruled by giant lizards, back in the days when people weren’t around yet? No witnesses, eh? How convenient!””

    I went on like this for some time, until I was distracted by the news of Gibson’s arrest. Following this shocking event, I decided to give up drinking and devote the remainder of my days to such polemics as “”Wyoming: The State No One Ever Visits Because It Isn’t Real,”” “”Gravity: The Greatest Hoax of Our Time”” and “”Al Gore: The Man Who Couldn’t Be Elected Because He Never Really Existed.””

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