If you need a good laugh or a reason to sober up during the last stretch of the semester, check out this week’s edition of police beat! This week, Vic fills you in on the dance professor that got a DUI on a school day, Annabel recounts a minor in possession incident and Kate tells you the story of a guy who lost his wallet and found a date in court.

Professor dances into a DUI

As many college students can probably attest, “pregaming” certain events and gatherings can be a good time. But it goes without saying that there is definitely a specific time and place for it.

According to a University of Arizona Police Department report, a UA tenured professor in the School of Dance was charged with a DUI on their way to hold a class on Sept. 15.

The professor in question was involved in an accident in the parking lot around 970 N. Warren Ave. at approximately 12:30 p.m. When police arrived at the scene, witnesses to the incident expressed that the driver was possibly intoxicated. They noticed the driver was slurring their speech and swaying back and forth.

According to the report, the driver had hit a red Mazda 6 while attempting to park, stating that they were trying to avoid a stop sign pole and a parking lot sign.

A UAPD officer asked the driver for their driver’s license, to which the professor responded by handing over their UA CatCard. In the immortal words of Will Smith, they were a little confused, but they got the spirit.

The officer asked the professor where they had been throughout the day, and the professor replied that they had gone to a store earlier before going to teach their class on campus. A little buzz before class? Not the best idea when you’re the one teaching.

The report stated that after a series of failed field sobriety tests, the professor admitted to drinking alcohol that morning, expressing that they had drunk an unknown amount of alcohol between 8-9:30 a.m. Additionally, they had consumed approximately one shot within an hour of driving.

The professor was arrested for DUI and was later cited for criminal damage. They were eventually picked up from the UAPD station and taken home by a family member, being advised by officers not to drive again until completely sober.

No way, Jose! 

A girl was charged with a minor in possession by UAPD after a small bottle of Jose Quervo got her into some trouble. Police reported having seen some girls walking with the bottle of tequila in hand. Officers shined their flashlights toward them, but the girls kept walking. 

The girls quickly shuffled the bottle between the three of them and it ended up in the hands of an unlucky girl, who decided that the best place to store the bottle would be in her pants. She continued walking away and the police ordered her to stop.

Officers requested that she take the bottle out of her pants, as it was creating a large bulge in her side and it wasn’t well hidden.

The girl then pulled the bottle from underneath her shorts and claimed that it was not her bottle and that one of her “sisters” had handed it to her after their date dash. When the officer asked why she willingly took the bottle, she claimed it was just “a girl thing.” 

We love a supportive sister.

Losing a wallet is a hassle: getting arrested because it was found is plain bad luck

A business student at the UA was charged for possessing a fake ID after his wallet was handed into UAPD on Oct. 15. 

According to a police report, the student had left their wallet on a counter in The Parker Apartments and a security guard retrieved the wallet and turned it into the UAPD for safekeeping. Unbeknownst to the good Samaritan, this was a catalyst to a series of unfortunate events.

An officer catalouged the contents of the wallet and found an ID inside with a date of birth that did not match the date of birth found during a records check of the student. Police then contacted the student via email to retrieve his wallet at the station. 

On Monday, Oct. 18 at around 1:45 p.m., the student showed up at the station to collect the wallet and an officer interrogated him about the fake ID. The student eventually admitted that he got the fake through a site his friend suggested but hadn’t used it since high school. 

The officer charged him for the violation of owning a fake ID in the state of Arizona and informed him of his court date before releasing the student.

But hey, at least he got his Circle K rewards card back.

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