Vote or Die

So, statistically, most of you missed the Nov. 5 local elections and will probably sleep through Arizona’s presidential primaries in February, but it’s okay. Now you can make up for neglecting your right to vote thanks to Mountain Dew’s DEWmocracy.com.

Yes, by giving away all your personal information you can join, “”the quest to un-earth the elixir of freedom.”” Or in layman’s terms, help choose the next flavor, color and label of Mountain Dew products.

Not only has DEWmocracy given Mountain Dew’s corporate suits the flexibility to lay off their entire research and development team if need be, but it’s also allowed them to make a DEWmockery of our electoral system.

Happy happy joy joy

Riquelme Maciel is the coolest 5-year-old on the planet. Dressed up as Spider-Man and playing in his backyard a few days ago, the young Brazilian boy noticed his neighbor’s house on fire and ran to the rescue. Although his neighbor, Lucilene dos Santos, had made it out safe, her baby, Andrieli, was still trapped inside. Young Maciel ran inside, still wearing the Spidey costume, grabbed the baby from the crib and carried her to safety.

Maciel is now a local hero and probably a lot more of a convincing Spider-Man than Tobey Maguire ever will be.

Quote of the week: Team Tancredo

“”There are consequences to open borders beyond the 20-million aliens who’ve come to take our jobs. Islamic terrorists now freely roam U.S. soil. Jihadists who froth with hate here to do as they have in London, Spain, Russia. The price we pay for spineless politicians who refuse to defend our borders against those who’ve come to kill…(explosion sound effect)””

TV ad sponsored by Presidential candidate Tom Tancredo

Random review: Guy with beanie

Yes you, jackass UA student with the beanie on. Don’t get me wrong, beanies are hip, but it’s time to face reality. It’s over 70 degrees outside, so unless you have some freak medical condition, take your beanie off.

Seriously, just think this through. You are wearing designer jeans with pre-worn holes, flip-flops, a tank-top and a beanie. If I remember one of the lessons I learned from “”Sesame Street,”” one of these things is not like the other – and it’s your fucking beanie.

That time when it snowed last year and everybody crapped their pants in excitement: that would be an OK time to wear your beanie. Other than that, unless it’s in the 50s, you have no reason to insulate your head. You already have hair to keep your dome warm, why not use it?