While the single people are out attempting to find companionship this weekend, there’s a good chance those in a steady relationship are staying in, perhaps watching some nice, relaxing TV. Or perhaps not so relaxing. Though at this point it’s a bit hackneyed, at times there is a very real gender gap, and it seems that in this day and age it manifests itself most powerfully when it comes to watching television. For those of a masculine persuasion, if you’re interested i nwatching TV with that special feminine someone, here’s a guide to surviving it without committing murder.

Neutral territory: Food Network, Travel Channel and competitive reality shows

This is the demilitarized zone of the television war of the genders. Though it may not exactly be a man’s cup of tea, there are plenty of cool things happening on Food Network and Travel Channel to keep a gentleman’s attention. Adam Richman of “Man v. Food” fame and Anthony Bourdain, who’s perhaps the toughest foodie alive, are real men’s men. As far as competitive reality shows, give “Storage Wars” a try. There’s enough direct competition for the masculine side and real-life drama for the feminine side to keep everybody, if not happy, at least content.

And now, strap on your parachute, because we’re entering enemy territory.

Not so bad: Scripted shows geared toward women

These words have probably never been written in history, but in the age of reality TV, “Sex and the City” is a man’s best friend — at least on couple’s TV night. There is, of course, not an ounce of actual content written for men. But look at the silver lining: there’s writing! Though they do focus on a particular audience, shows like “Sex and the City” are well written and humorous. Like an art purist viewing paintings of great artists, if you can’t like what it is, at least try and appreciate the artistry, because it’s about to get worse.

Pretty rough: Reality shows about beautiful people

There is a great armada of “beautiful people” reality shows invading the airwaves, and the “Real Housewives” franchise is its terrible flagship. Watching shows like these is similar to listening to your lady’s stories about how bitchy that girl at her work is, but televised in hour-long installments. “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” “Tia & Tamera,” and that horde of housewives from across the land live larger than almost all of their viewership, but somehow still find time to be disgustingly petty. Perhaps the feminine psyche finds it comforting that the rich and famous still have basic human tendencies. For the masculine psyche, however, confrontation is only interesting if it involves weaponry or some sort of martial arts. Shrill verbal spats, especially among women, are just scary to the masculine mind.

But your TV is about to take on even darker dimensions than that…

The pulsing center of darkness: Reality shows about sad, sad people

If there is a machismo hell, then deep in its icy core the three heads of Satan are eternally gnawing on “Teen Mom,” “Intervention” and “Toddlers and Tiaras.” Reality shows like these are less TV and more evidence for the inevitable mental competency evaluation or court hearing that will take place after the cameras stop rolling. From the male perspective, watching shows about weight loss, addiction and borderline child abuse are just sad. There is a sense that women watch these shows to feel better about their own lives, but usually the level of discrepancy is like taking horse tranquilizers for insomnia. The only way that a male mind can make sense of shows like these is to view them as incredibly graphic, heart-stoppingly terrifying cautionary tales. Being made to watch them as entertainment on TV night is a level of madness men can’t easily comprehend.

Read “The Four Levels of Watching TV with your Boyfriend” here.

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