What’s your favorite animal?

A horse.

If you had a horse, what would you name it?

Probably something stupid.

Like a dumb name, or are you telling me you would literally name it Something Stupid?

I actually might just name it Something Stupid.

That’s kind of mean, but OK.  Do you have any other pets with mean names?

I have a rabbit.

What’s its name?

Bon Bon.

How long have you had it?

Four months.

Why a rabbit?

I couldn’t afford a dog.

What’s the worst part about having a rabbit?

She peed on my computer the other day and the screen died.

(Laughs)

Yeah, it’s not very funny.

Sorry.

$300 later …

Out of your emergency rabbit-piss-incident fund?

No, I don’t have one.

Did you tell the person fixing your computer what happened?

No, I just said it stopped working.

Well I hope you at least cleaned and sanitized it. That’s gross. Are rabbits expensive?

Yeah, because we got it at the pet store at the mall.

At least you freed it from the confines of the mall. That seems like a terrible life.

That’s what I said.

Everyone taps on the glass.

I know. I mean, what if you just wanted some peace, or you were having a fat day or something?

I know.

— Claire Engelken