Quoteworthy

“”You’re nothing but a slut!”” – Kid Rock overreacts to his wife, Pamela Anderson, appearing in the movie “”Borat.”” The quote comes from a friend of Anderson, who was reportedly at the private screening where Kid Rock lost his cool and began throwing a temper tantrum. Recent tabloids insist that the outburst caused the divorce between the two. Reports disclose that Pamela has asked for custody of the children while Kid Rock is asking for the sex tape.

Sounds

Mindless Self Indulgence is about as close as you can get to mainstream goth without having to wear a black leather trench coat, but don’t tell the fans that. Sporting hit singles like “”Shut Me Up,”” they’re nowhere near the realm of “”talented musicians,”” but catchy enough to leave the song on your iPod playlist for a couple weeks. Then again, the same could be said about Ashlee Simpson. Their new EP will be hitting stores Dec. 5, and when I say stores, I really just mean the only place that will actually sell a copy: Hot Topic.

Newsworthy

A 4-year-old child dressed as a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger managed to scare away two crooks who were robbing his family’s home. Two individuals had entered the home after threatening the residents at gunpoint when Stevie Long decided to go into his bedroom and put on his Halloween costume and “”morph”” into a hero. The child then came out brandishing a plastic mask and foam-induced muscles and waving around a plastic sword while yelling “”yah, yah!”” According to reports, the two criminals, who have yet to have been identified, were frightened by the sight and ran off with a number of the family’s valuables.

I think we all know who the real hero is here, though: LSD.

Gripe of the Week

Chances are that if you’re reading this article right now, you’re spending just a little more time procrastinating on your finals. I hate finals, and I hate final projects even more. Whose bright idea was it to make the end of the semester the hardest part of it? Why can’t we have the hard part in the beginning? That way, if we fail any of it, we can just drop the course anyway. Regardless, I give out my sincerest wishes to all of you Adderall junkies right now burning the midnight oil just to get that “”C”” you think you deserve after spending the entire semester playing video games and drinking on a Thursday night when you knew you had a major project due the next day anyway.

Random Review

We know children are heavily influenced by the media nowadays, with all the kids shooting their parents, injecting heroin and partying with prostitutes after playing a game of “”Grand Theft Auto.”” But what happens when you subject a 15-year-old to the likes of Bill O’Reilly and Fox News?

Here’s what the creator of the Conservative Kids Web site has to say about herself: “”I am a 15 year old girl(!) living in the most disgusting city ever, San Francisco. I love politics (obviously), debating with libs (again, obviously), guns, animals and fashion. As much as I love animals, I am in no way, shape or form a vegetarian. In fact, the Bible tells us to eat meat!””

You have to love a site that puts Fun Stuff right above 9/11 on the navigation. For more information about how abortion sucks, visit www.conservative-kids.com.

Videos

“”Sexual Harassment and You”” is a mock-educational film detailing how to have sex at work with women without getting sued. The clip originally aired on “”Saturday Night Live”” and features previous guest Tom Brady, quarterback for the Patriots. So how do you nail co-workers without a devious sexual harassment suit? It’s easy: Be attractive. Otherwise, just learn how to dispose of the bodies and you should be fine.