Sorry, wrong bed

A resident assistant from the Manzanita-Mohave Residence Hall reported that a naked man walked into a resident’s dorm room around 2:33 a.m. on Monday. When University of Arizona Police Department officers arrived, they spoke with the resident, who said she was sleeping when a naked man suddenly entered her room and tried to climb into bed with her.

The student said she screamed when she noticed him and told him he had probably walked into the wrong room. He asked her, “Are you sure this is the wrong room?” She replied, “Yes!” He turned around and began walking out of the room. Another female student then walked in, grabbed the man and brought him into another room.

The woman told officers that she saw “his buttocks and flaccid penis with lots of pubic hair,” and that she wanted to press criminal charges.

Officers spoke with the naked man, who told them, “I was very intoxicated and I was spending the night with another girl. I woke up to go to the restroom and when I was done, I accidentally walked into the room. It was an honest mistake.”

Officers noticed that the naked man and the other woman laughed whenever the woman who wanted to press charges began to speak. Officers told the man to get completely dressed and step outside so he could be arrested. He was cited for indecent exposure and taken to Pima County Jail.

These are my confessions

UAPD officers were on patrol at 1:48 a.m. on Monday when they noticed a car parked in the middle of Highland Avenue with its emergency lights on. The officers stopped and approached the car when three male students suddenly walked out of Highland Market to the car and told officers that the car belonged to them. Officers told the men that they had to go and park the car, and that parking in the middle of the street is illegal. One of the men became angry and told officers, “Forget you, go ahead and MIP me, I’m 20.” Officers arrested the student and made him sit on the curb. They noticed there was a strong odor of alcohol coming from the student’s breath, and that his speech was slurred.

One of the other men said, “I am 19 but I have only had a little bit of vodka tonight.” Officers asked him where he got the alcohol from. He replied, “I ain’t going to dime anyone out.” His speech was also slurred, and he was arrested and asked to sit on the curb next to his friend.

The third student then confessed to officers that he had also been drinking, but he was 24 years old. He told them he did not wish to say anything else, because he was of drinking age and therefore did nothing wrong. Officers cited the two underage students for minor in possession of alcohol in body and referred them to the Dean of Students Office for Code of Conduct violations. The car was towed because the vehicle was blocking the street and everyone who could have driven the car was intoxicated.