Did you rush a sorority?

I did, but I dropped.

How far did you get in the process?

Just the first day.

What happened?

We went to visit the houses, we saw all the girls, and they were singing and cheering and dancing and talking, and I was like, “”I can’t do any more of this.””

Too much estrogen?

Yeah, it was a lot to take in.

OK, you’re standing on a cliff with three notorious cheaters: Tiger Woods, Jesse James and Bill Clinton. You have to marry one, hook up with one and push one off the cliff. Go.

I would marry Tiger. He’s the most attractive one out of the group.

And you’d get a bitchin’ pre-nup.

Exactly. I would push Jesse James off, because he’s just pissing me off. You can look at him and just tell he’s dirty.

Agreed, total trash.

And I’d hook up with Bill Clinton because he’s a president, and you just have to do that.

Would you hook up with him inside or outside of the Oval Office?

Oh, in. Absolutely.

Wow, I like where your head’s at. I still can’t believe you’d marry Tiger. What if he was sleeping around?

If I married him and I found out he cheated and all that other stuff, I’d leave him.

How did Elin not know? I mean it’s got to be a lot of effort to have a wife, kids, a professional golf career and have 13 girls on the side.

Exactly. I think that the only reason she’s divorcing him now is because everyone knows. She definitely knew.

It’s too bad, she’s way hot.

She’s a model. Like, what was he doing?

She’s way hotter than those gutter trolls he hooked up with.

—Claire Engelken