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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat

 

Letters from Mallory Hawkins: Sept. 30

From semester to semester, there are always many changes — classes, professors, the weather. One thing remains constant, though: you are annoying as hell.

Apparently you were absent from kindergarten the day we learned not to talk when the teacher is talking because you have no regard for the professor’s lecture. Like they say, “”better late than never,”” so here’s your lesson for the day: when the professor is talking, you shouldn’t be. I could not care less about your weekend plans for Vegas or how hard your other classes are, so spare me the loud whispers about your personal life.

Unlike your desperate need to hear your own voice at all times, you are not doing me any harm by surfing the web instead of paying attention to the professor. It does become my problem, though, when you start laughing at whatever is on your screen. If you can’t control your emotions, then please refrain from outside distractions. You’ll be doing yourself a favor as well, because you look like an idiot when you start laughing during a lecture on the Holocaust.

The same vow of silence should be taken concerning your cell phone. In case you haven’t noticed, putting your phone on vibrate may be the only thing more distracting than an actual ring tone. At least if your phone rings, you feel the need to put it on silent. When your phone is on vibrate, you are convinced that no one can hear it. The head turns and checking of phones by everyone else in class every time yours buzzes deafeningly on your desk is a clear indication that you’re wrong.

For those of you who refrain from the outside distractions, I commend you. You are on my desirable classmate list. Be wary, though, because I am certain that at some point in the semester your true colors will show and you will be taken off the list for one offense or another.

An example of this is the know-it-all. Nobody likes you, not even the professor. Scratch that, especially the professor. You are taking a class to fulfill a need for your bachelor’s degree, while the professor is at least 10 years beyond that in schooling. What does this mean? Despite your efforts, you do not know it all. Stop trying to show up the teacher.

You can also cross yourself off the “”nice”” list if you have an “”inquiring mind.”” You do not impress anyone with your four billion questions. There’s no way you can genuinely be that interested in the topic. Furthermore, there is such thing as a dumb question, and people will judge you when you ask one. Go to office hours and stop wasting everyone else’s time.

How you handle your debilitating illness is another factor in whether or not people want to be in a class with you. Next time you’re buying school supplies, please do us a favor and put tissues on your list. Apparently, you are the only one who doesn’t realize that sniffling is not the appropriate method of dealing with a runny nose. For the love of Ray J, do us all a favor and just blow your damned nose or stay home from class.

The biggest offense you can commit to be the least desirable classmate is packing up early. Since you apparently lack the quality of consideration, you will be surprised to see that class does not actually end when you want it to, but it ends at the time the university denotes on your schedule. When the professor is still talking because he has five minutes left and you start shoving your shit in your backpack, you are not being sly. You are not being quiet. You are being hella annoying.

I am no finance major, but even I know that your distracting tendencies are not only annoyances but also a matter of money. Based on my calculations, as an out-of-state student, I am paying close to $1 a minute per 3-unit class, which translates to you owing me some cash money for each minute your actions divert my attention away from the professor. From now on, I am going to present you with a bill at the end of each class period. Unless you’re willing to dish out some serious cash, I suggest you shape up or ship out.

— Mallory Hawkins is a communication senior. She can be reached at letters@wildcat.arizona.edu.

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