If you were thrown in prison, what do you think it would be for?

Um, probably, I guess depending on the circumstances, either drug possession or murder.

Who would you make your only phone
call to?

Probably my parents.

Where do they live?

In Rio Rico.

What’s your best prison break idea?

Uh, I really can’t say I have any.

What movie do you think did a prison break best?

Hmm. I don’t know, I can’t think of one right off the top of my head.

Would you shank anyone for prison cred?

Uh, I would shank someone only if they deserved it.

What constitutes deserving it in prison?

Well, if they were threatening my well-being, then I would shank them first.

Give me your best line to make parole and I’ll decide whether you make it or not.

Uh…

Ok, let’s change it up. I’m your parole judge. Do you think you’ve been reformed to be a new member of society?

Yeah.

Alright, why?

Because I used to be all evil and stuff, but now I’m not; because the system is just so awesome, that you can’t help but be good after going to prison.

What about this situation where you shanked a guy?

Well, he deserved it. ‘Cause he was gonna shank me if I didn’t shank him first.