NBA Championship

In an unprecedented move, the NBA commissioner will void the San Antonio “”Sterns”” series win over the Phoenix Suns, putting the “”Big Cactus”” back in the playoffs. I wish. I’m tired of the usual suspects in the finals, like the Spurs and Pistons, and I’m really tired of hearing about the Boston Three Party. I’ll be pulling for the New Orleans Hornets and the Orlando Magic. Too bad for all basketball fans that it won’t happen, but hey, everyone can dream, right?

Hornets beat Magic in 7

Brian Kimball, assistant sports editor

In the land of the NBA, where Wizards can travel and Spurs can flop, where The King loses his crown, the Mavericks are tamed and the Suns set, two teams rise to the top. Mortal enemies, back in the day when Magic and Bird dominated the game. Thanks to the Big Ticket, the Truth, Ray and Rondo, the Boston Celtics will fall short of getting their league-leading 17th NBA title and fall to likely MVP Kobe Bryant and the Lakers in the Garden.

Lakers beat Celtics in 7

Michael Fitzpatrick, sports writer

Where is Tim Donaghy when you need him? The Cleveland Cavaliers have been somewhat successful with the W.L.D. (Watch-LeBron-Dribble) offense in the first round of the playoffs, but once they advance to the finals against the Spurs, a little cheating would be nice. After all, the Spurs beat the Suns last year because of Donaghy, so they could use a little payback anyways. Nevertheless, when the Cavs switch to the W.L.S. (Watch-LeBron-Score) offense, they can’t be stopped. Donaghy, if you are reading, please bet on them.

Cavs beat Spurs in 4 (cheating)
Cavs beat Spurs in 7 (legit)

Ari Wasserman, assistant sports editor

NHL Champion

Why we are even picking this, I couldn’t tell you. I understand hockey is played better in Canada; however, the lone Canadian team left in the playoffs isn’t in good shape. So, by my means of analysis I’ll have to pick the teams closest to the border. That immediately rules out Dallas and San Jose, so I’ll have to go with either the Penguins or the Red Wings. Wings are for eating, so I’ll go with Pittsburgh.

Penguins beat Red Wings in 6

Brian Kimball, assistant sports editor

Finally, we pick the greatest sport in the world. Since October, 30 teams have fought to win the greatest trophy in professional sports. Now the league’s best player will solidify his legacy at the ripe old age of 20 as Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin will bring Lord Stanley to Pittsburgh for the first time since 1992, when the likes of Mario Lemieux and Jaromir Jagr were dominating the league. Hull was in the crease by the way.

Penguins beat Stars in 6

Michael Fitzpatrick, sports writer

My colleague Brian Kimball wants to know why we are picking the NHL champions. At first, I had no clue, like Colonel Mustard in the study with the candlestick, but I finally realized why. It is because hockey is the second best sport on ice, behind male figure skating, and yes, it is the playoffs. Wait. I mean third best. I forgot how exciting the Jamaican bobsled team is. I hate Michigan, so the Red Wings are out. Who else is in it?

Red Wings lose in 4

Ari Wasserman, assistant sports editor

No. 8 Arizona softball at No. 4 UCLA

The way Arizona has been playing this year makes today’s game a really tough call. When the Bruins visited Wildcat land earlier in the season they split a two-game series, so I presume the same thing will happen this time, too. Unfortunately the two squads will only play one game. I envision Arizona winning the first 3 1/2 frames, but the Wildcats have a knack for stealing the defeat from the jaws of victory. Plus, UCLA is just better this year.

UCLA 4, Arizona 3

Brian Kimball, assistant sports editor

Prior to last Sunday, I would have said Arizona had no chance against the Bruins, but after the senior leadership held a meeting to light a fire, my stance has changed. The seniors will not allow or accept failure. Taryne Mowatt has found her groove, the bats are hot and the team is playing with confidence. By the way, the last time Arizona lost four in a row, as it did last week, was in 1991, when it won its first title.

Arizona 3, UCLA 1

Michael Fitzpatrick, sports writer

I was going to come up with The Eagles’ “”Hotel California”” references, but after the UCLA game they are bouncing like flubber to Washington that same evening for the remainder of the weekend series. Since Arizona is so inconsistent in just about every facet of its game, I am going to give the Wildcats the benefit of the doubt even though I am filled with it. So let’s just say I am uncertain. It’s like choosing who is more attractive, Rosie O’Donnell or Ellen DeGeneres.

Arizona 4, UCLA 3

Ari Wasserman, assistant sports editor