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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat

 

Letters from Mallory Hawkins

Not to sound like a nagging mother, but now that spring has officially sprung, it is time for a little spring cleaning. Now is as good of a time as any to throw out the collection of old papers and exams that has been accumulating in your backpack for the past two semesters. Who knows, you might even find that missing notebook, or worse, a ziplock full of fermenting grapes. Ew! Besides, if you start the cleaning now, you’ll have one less thing to distract you when finals roll around in a few weeks.

Let’s start the cleaning in your car. Assuming that you don’t live in the car, there’s no reason to have five outfits and 10 pairs of smelly-ass shoes strewn about. Nobody, especially not your friends trying to get rides, is impressed by your never ending collection of empty water bottles and fast food trash. Maybe it’s time to call in a favor to the garbage man and see if he can arrange weekly pickups. Anything is worth a try at this point.

This has already been said in another piece, but it warrants reiteration. If you have shirts in your closet that bear the name of a university other than Arizona, say sayonara. You are an Arizona Wildcat, clearly not a proud one, but still you’re a Wildcat. You should wear UA all day, e’eryday … or at least on Fridays, according to Greg Byrne. We are in the Sweet Sixteen after all!

In case you haven’t already done so, say goodbye to your Bumpits, ladies. Snooki is no longer relevant and neither is her hairstyle.

If you’re single (and not by choice) it is time to adopt the “”out with the old and in with the new”” philosophy for your hygiene cabinet. If you’re trying to score with a UA girl, there’s a 90 percent chance she is into the metro bro type.

Speaking of being single — I don’t want to rub it in, but you and your ex have been Facebook “”official””ly over since the beginning of the semester. That’s practically a decade by college relationship standards, which means you’ve been holding onto his sweatshirt for far too long. I know, I know; it used to smell just like him. Now, however, it smells like stale cologne and salty tears. Let it go. You’ll feel much better once you’ve donated it (or burned it if it was a bad breakup). If you don’t feel better, go buy yourself a new one that is actually your size and smells like an expensive department store.

You’ve done a good job of spring cleaning so far, but there’s one thing left — you must purge your freezer of the thinly iced bottles of tequila and vodka you’ve been holding on to for the past few weeks. By a normal college student’s standards, those bottles should have been consumed long before they reached the point of being frosty. The best way to carry out this purge is by throwing a party, duh. So put on your new deodorant and newfound hairdo because it’s going to be a good night.

Who said spring cleaning can’t be fun?

— Mallory Hawkins is a communication senior. She can be reached at letters@wildcat.arizona.edu.

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