Somewhere in the midst of puberty, between braces and driving, the idea that Halloween was about scary stories, candy and carving pumpkins was erased from our memories. Now, Halloween is an excuse to wear a slutty costume, add another drunken episode to your growing list of college mistakes and play beer pong with orange cups instead of red for the night.
Costume-wearers no longer compete in contests of which is the scariest or the most believable, but of which is the sluttiest and least respectable.
In the parade of familiar costumes, a few overdone ones never fail to make the list. I challenge you to make Halloween more about creativity and candy again by avoiding these horrible ensembles:
Animal
Bunny, tiger, mouse, kitten … they are all the same. Somehow an overwhelming number of girls think that a skimpy black leotard and some sort of headband with makeshift ears make them look like an animal. No. The fact that their leotards are riding up and their ears and fake eyelashes have come off in a daze of drunkenness makes them look like a hot mess — a Tasmanian devil at best, but definitely not a sexy animal.
Construction worker
This has become more popular recently for reasons unknown. Last Halloween, there were countless girls making the walk of shame down Greek Row with nothing but a hard hat and yellow caution tape wrapped around their “not-so-private” areas. Those plastic Bob the Builder hats are for kids trick-or-treating, not for college liquor pounding. Put some clothes on before you catch pneumonia.
Devil
A tight-fitting, revealing red dress, devil horns and a pitchfork are sufficient props for this ensemble. It seems that this costume is mistaken as a way to show that the girl wearing it is naughty or dangerous. What this costume is really telling a guy is not that you are naughty, but that you are easy and crying out for attention.
Schoolgirl
Outside of Britney Spears a la “Baby One More Time,” you’d be hard-pressed to find a schoolgirl who attends classes in a short skirt that reveals her lacy thong and a tied up, see-through blouse that shows her stomach and lacy black push-up bra. It’s also a safe bet that an actual schoolgirl probably makes it through a school day without needing to enhance the outfit with pigtails and fake, thick black glasses with duct tape in the middle. If even B. Spears has let this look go, maybe there’s something else you can do.
Nurse
This is not to say that nurse costumes are always slutty, but they can be. They are also undeniably overdone in the world of Halloween costumes. It’s time to get more creative and ditch the pin-up nurse look. Knock-out nurses looking to sexily take your temperature aren’t common, and I’m also pretty sure real nurses don’t wear fishnet stockings and patent red high heels (or stomp around frat parties either).
