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The Daily Wildcat

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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat

 

    On the Spot

    The Wildcat accosted undecided freshman Pauline Carpentier after an unsuccessful attempt at interviewing that guy who sits in the van with the traffic cones on East University Boulevard.

    Wildcat: OK, you’re on the spot. What’s your favorite sandwich?

    Carpentier: Oh no, I like

    all sandwiches.

    W: That’s not a good answer.

    C: Maybe like turkey or

    chicken salad?

    W: But what would you put on the turkey?

    C: I love every type of

    veggie, everything.

    W: What about squash?

    C: Squash might be good.

    W: On a sandwich?

    C: I don’t know, I’ve never tried it.

    W: Sounds kind of gross. If you could make a sandwich out of a human body part, what would it be? You wouldn’t have to eat it, you could just look at it or paint it or smell it.

    C: A boob?

    W: Is that a little bit sexist though? I think a man would kind of object. Have you seen “”Two Girls One Cup?””

    C: No.

    W: Pretty gross, huh? Have you seen “”Two Girls One McRib””? That’s even worse. Talk about disgusting sandwiches.

    C: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

    W: Seriously? Everyone denies it. If you could live in a tree, what kind of tree would it be?

    C: A palm tree.

    W: Why?

    C: Because they have coconuts and I love coconuts.

    W: These palm trees don’t have coconuts.

    C: Well maybe like an elm tree, or the tree

    in Pocahontas.

    W: What kind of tree is that?

    C: It’s a talking tree, and the leaves kind of go down and…

    W: But what if it got pissed off at you for climbing all over it, if it’s a talking tree?

    C: Well, I’d make sure if it was okay with it and we’d be friends.

    W: But what if it wasn’t okay with it and then you’d have no tree to live in?

    C: Then I’d go find another tree.

    W: It’s a world of tree democracy. You know, equal rights. What kind of bumper sticker pisses you off or annoys you?

    C: I don’t really pay attention to bumper stickers that much.

    W: What about those ones that are like, “”My kid beat up your honor student””?

    C: Uh, well I saw one that said, “”My dog is better than your honor student”” and that was a great one.

    W: Yeah, I like dogs better than people anyway.

    ð – interview by Andi Berlin

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