Dear Sexual Editor,

Not that I’m planning to get one, but how much exactly does it cost to get a sex-change operation? And can you recommend a good place to get one?

ð- Curious in Tucson

Dear Curious,

What a great question. Sex changes are hard to come by in Tucson, which is kind of peculiar considering the landscape.

I called up the Wingspan community center for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender issues, and he had no idea where to get one. This volunteer, who preferred to remain nameless, referred me to the Southern Arizona Gender Alliance, which by the way has lovely classical hold music. But after 10 minutes of violins (I guess their phones are ringing off the hook), I just hung up. But SAGA’s Web site has a convenient list of gender-reassignment doctors: one in Colorado, one in New York, one in Wangtonglang, Bangkok and so on. It did refer me to a doctor in Scottsdale by the name of Toby Meltzer, though. His Web site calls for a $750 deposit before the surgery takes place, and my trustworthy About.com: Gay Life says that the procedures can cost anywhere from $10,000 to $20,000. This includes hormone replacement, permanent hair removal, voice therapy and psychological counseling.

Which brings me to my question for you, CiT: Why? You strike me as a perfectly
egregious girl or guy, with a slightly off-kilter fashion sense and a pension for imported cheeses. Do you have to be of a certain sex to prefer certain cheeses? I think not. Why don’t you just forget about it and continue living life as an asexual “”Dungeons and Dragons”” fan like before?

Still aren’t sold? Alright, I admit I haven’t been extremely persuasive lately. Here is a list of procedures and their cost in Thailand, which I might add is all the rage these days. Trachea shave (mmm): $1,500; Inner labia construction with clitoral hood: $1,500; Breast implants: $3,000; scalp advancement: $3,200; Buccal fat pad removal: $1,500; upper eyelid surgery: $1,000 and oh so much more!

If that doesn’t seem too bad, why don’t you go ahead and call up Meltzer, 480-657-7006, and schedule a consultation. He can give you a more accurate assessment.

As for me, I’ve had enough of these infantile practicalities. What do you think I am, a reporter? Someone send me an e-mail about pig screwing or eco-friendly vibrators, for God’s sake.

– Sincerely Sexual Editor