Out of ghosts, Bigfoot and the Loch Ness monster, which has the better chance of actually existing?

I’d like to believe that Nessie exists.

What are her intentions?

Probably death and destruction. I mean, I’m just gonna throw that out there, but Nessie’s probably evil.

You can assemble a team of three people to fight her off. Who are they?

Uh, let’s see now. Well, Batman would be good. Jesus. If you don’t have God on your side … three people, right?

I don’t know how you can beat Batman and Jesus to be honest.

Well, Arnold Schwarzenegger from “”Commando.””

Not from any other movie?

No.

What do you think Nessie eats?

Probably Scots.

Scot babies?

Well, does she crawl onto land? No! She’s waterlocked.

Waterlocked?

Yeah, it’s like landlocked.

That’s true.

With water.

What’s your favorite thing to cook?

When I make something, I want to make a lot of it. Like, rice is good. ‘Cause rice is cheap … as fuck.

What was the last thing you cooked that you were proud of?

I made rice, boiled it in beef broth and chicken broth. It was like half-and-half.