Super Cool News: How to have a super cool, super hot Tucson summer

July 1, 2016

An egg cooks on a sidewalk in Tucson on Thursday, June 30. While this egg may be able to cook in the Tucson heat, you shouldn’t, avoiding heatstroke can be simple.

Super Cool News is a Daily Wildcat feature that shares the, yes, coolest news happening around town and around the country. Try not to take what its writers have to say too literally.

We, as UA students, must occasionally take a moment to appreciate how lucky we all are to go to a school as wonderful as the UA. With top-notch academics, cutting-edge research and nationally competitive athletics, what more could a co-ed want from their university? Unfortunately, students seem to forget the very best thing about the UA — its location right here in the glorious town of Tucson, Arizona.

If you happen to stumble upon this article, then you more than likely go to the UA, or have some sort of affiliation with the school. If that’s the case, you have more than likely chosen to spend the summer here in Tucson, and well, my dear reader — you could not possibly have made a better decision.

Contrary to popular belief, Tucson actually tops the list of the best places imaginable to spend the summer. First of all, the weather is breathtaking this time of year. It recently hit about 115 degrees — a perfect temperature because the moment that you step outside, you instantly become fatigued and drenched in sweat. This can do wonders to help you lose weight and finally achieve the summer body you’ve always dreamed of! Score.

Now, you may hear others mutter things along the lines of “It’s too hot,” or “I can’t take this heat anymore” or the classic “Oh my God, I think I’m about to pass out from heat stroke!” Make sure to tell these people to stop complaining and drink some damn water. They live in one of the nation’s only dry heats — they could at least act a little bit appreciative.

Tucson constantly tops several lists of best places to visit during the summer. From, “The best places to have a summer mental breakdown” to, “Places to go where you know your summer stalker will NOT follow you,” Tucson consistently ranks near or at the top of the list.

On top of all that, a college student will surely never grow bored — this wonderful town offers so many summer activities.

Tucson may not have many “traditional” summertime past times like beaches or amusement parks or enjoyable days outside, but we have movie theaters, nice restaurants, a few concert venues and some other places that pretty much every other city in the entire country also happens to have. If you wanted the Cosmopolitan Experience, why did you end up in Tucson in the first place?

This city also makes for a perfect place for those who love to swim! Actually, this seems to be the only outdoor activity Tucsonans are capable of doing without facing the risk of hypothermia. That is, unless there’s a monsoon out, in which case, please do not swim.

Ah, Tucson. The place where dreams come true and dehydration runs rampant. You have truly made a great choice by choosing to spend your well-earned break from school in such an amazing place.

Have a great Tucson summer! I know you will.

Follow Alec Kuehnle on Twitter.