The Story: Once again, America celebrated St. Patrick’s Day by doing things that have no relation at all to St. Patrick.
The Diss: I’m all for celebrating other cultures and ethnicities and the melting pot and so on. But the St. Patrick’s Day we celebrate has nothing whatsoever to do with Ireland. It’s as though Americans feel compelled to obsess over an ancient, tenuous European heritage to validate themselves in some way – but they don’t actually know anything about that heritage, so they create a holiday that’s a sort of pathetic imitation. Of course, we could start celebrating St. Patrick’s Day in a way that actually bears some relation to our nation’s Irish heritage. Or, even better, let’s drop the whole Irish aspect of St. Patrick’s Day, and just be honest with ourselves: There’s nothing wrong with having an American holiday in the middle of March. In fact, I’m looking forward to next year’s Americans Get Drunk, Wear Green and Affect Atrocious Accents Day.
– Lillie Kilburn is a psychology sophomore.
Heel, Senator, heel!
The Story: A reporter asked Sen. John McCain whether contraceptives help stop the spread of HIV. After a long pause, McCain replied, “”You’ve stumped me.””
The Diss: I wonder what young John McCain – the warrior who survived the deadly U.S.S. Forrestal explosion and years in the Hanoi Hilton – would say if he watched this ridiculous scene. Ever since getting his butt kicked in the 2000 Republican primary, McCain has acted like an abused puppy. During Bush’s 2004 re-election campaign McCain practically wagged his tail as he accepted hugs and kisses from the same man who rubbed his nose in crap just four years earlier. Today the mere thought of conservative primary voters holding rolled-up newspapers makes him piddle on the seats of the Straight Talk Express. How sad that insatiable lust for the Oval Office can turn a genuine American hero into the groveling, pusillanimous old man we see today.
– Shane Ham is a first-year law student.
Not clear for takeoff
The Story: On Monday, the Airbus A380 – the largest commercial aircraft on the market – made its inaugural landings in New York and Los Angeles. Despite the pomp and excitement of the trial runs, the A380 has been beset by cost overruns and technological shortcomings.The Diss: This Spruce Goose of the 21st century is an exercise in overzealous ambitions. Despite the excitement of a new, huge-ass aircraft crossing the Atlantic, Airbus has faced its worst year in history, cutting tens of thousands of jobs, forgetting to wire their behemoth correctly and creating long delays for A380 orders. Already, UPS, FedEx and Emirates Airlines have canceled their orders for the mythical brobdingnagian. What a mess. Good luck, Airbus, in getting out of the red.
– Matt Stone is a senior majoring in international studies and economics.
