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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat

 

    Funeral chic: Death is the new black

    Theatre arts junior Jessica Samoy sure gets the blood flowing at Holy Hope Cemetery. Her outfit can be worn at a wake, while awake and waking around town.
    Theatre arts junior Jessica Samoy sure gets the blood flowing at Holy Hope Cemetery. Her outfit can be worn at a wake, while awake and waking around town.

    Just because you’re dead doesn’t mean you have to look like it. From the catwalks in Milan to the catacombs of Paris, trendsetters of all walks of life are making the afterlife look more like an after-party.

    Well, maybe not the actual catacombs, but that’s sure what it looks like in Tucson these days. Funeral fashion is making waves in the clothing and makeup industry, and the trend-conscious can do nothing but wait for the procession to arrive.

    This fall is all about mourning; in the morning or at nighttime! Grieving makes even the homeliest look sexy and sensitive, plus black is just so totally slimming. If you’re doing a little funeral hopping this Halloween, here are some items you shouldn’t be caught dead without.

    The sexy black dress
    A slim and sleek black number is definitely a must-have for the on-the-go widow. Fashionable, moldable and eclectic, the item serves as a basic staple for grieving daywear.

    Designer Dries Van Noten is among the many visionaries this season to update the look and give it a little pizzazz. Van Noten, a Belgian bohemian, brings an austere and elegant aura to the black dress, fleshing it out with bows, buttons and atypical cuts and stitching.

    But if you’re looking for something more affordable, many local clothing and department stores are marketing the hipster Victorian collar dress right now. These high-necked outfits come in blouses and one-pieces but look the most dramatic in the dress form with ruffles, lace or translucent fabric around the collar. Throw them onto a pair of nude tights and heels, and you’re out the door.

    Black vintage hat
    Nothing frames your teary eyes better than a big floppy hat. Pull one side down over your eye for maximum drama, or push it back on your head to look cheerful and happy. (We just know you aren’t!) If you’re still a little confused, follow this general rule: If your hubby’s dead, back of the head. If it’s only your mother, the hat’s an eye-cover.

    If this freaks you out a little, opt for an early-1900s vintage pillbox hat with black wire netting that comes down in front of the eyes. It may make your head look like a half-buried coconut, but let’s face it, grieving can’t always be pretty. Many thrift and vintage shops, including Buffalo Exchange, Tucson Thrift, The Other Side and How Sweet It Was carry these retro accessories for a relatively decent price (usually under $20).

    Pointed black shoes
    Don’t be the only one to show up at your grandma’s passing in block heels! She’ll be sure to roll over in her grave. Not only are they clunky and disgusting, but they’re disturbing to the people you’re walking on as well.

    When visiting the deceased, it’s either stilettos or flats. If it’s stilettos, go with a 2 1/2-inch heel or higher; it will give you a tush to die for. It also provides minimal ground disturbance with its small diameter.

    If you’re going for comfort, a flat shoe with either a pointed tip or a smooth tip with a bow will make you look professional and caring. Whatever you do, don’t ditch black! The more morbid, the better. If the shoes aren’t dark, you’ll look ridiculous.

    Black Chanel nail polish
    Think it’s impossible to tell what brand of nail polish you’re wearing? Stop thinking.

    Nobody will have any idea if you’re showcasing the newest designer brand, which fetches for over $70 on eBay, or if it’s a $5 bottle from Sally’s. But you can tell everyone, right?

    Limited-edition black satin Chanel nail polish is the newest thing to hit the fashion world by storm, and all the stars are wearing it! But be careful, if coupled with the wrong accessories, the grave gloss can make you look like a goth from the ’90s.

    If you want to do it right, couple it with a long-sleeve blouse or even a black blazer. Better yet, wear it under gloves!

    Smokey eye makeup
    Don’t be a raccoon, but some kind of dark eyeshadow is a must if you’re planning to rock the coffin this weekend.

    Work from the inside out, going darker as you go along. Light colors on the inside of the eyelids make your eyes look bigger and your sadness stronger. Finish it off with some dark eyeliner extending past the lids, and then a touch of Maybelline mascara. (Maybe she’s born with it?)

    The best colors to use are black, silver, gray and pearly white on the insides. Smokey eyes go best with a pair of red lips, so don’t hesitate to pile it on. Just remember, dramatic makeup puts the fun in funeral!

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