How did you score a job driving a golf cart around?

I actually work for the bicycle enforcement, so I didn’t actually score a job with a golf cart.

But that’s still pretty cool that you get to roll around campus in a golf cart all day.

No, actually today’s the first day I’ve taken it.

Have you done any joy riding yet, or does that come later?

No, no joy riding. (Laughs) If I did I couldn’t tell you that. (Laughs)

What do you do during the day?

I go around and check all the bicycles just to see which ones have been deserted and left behind and to clear those out and make more room for the people who do need the racks.

So you go around and steal people’s bikes who don’t lock them up?

Definitely don’t steal them, no.

So you’re just placing them in a secure location or what?

I feel like this is entrapment, OK? Seriously, Brian.

I’m not implying that you actually steal them, just that you’re moving them to a different place.

You could get me into a lot of trouble.

I hope not, but I guess you can get in trouble for chalk here.

Exactly, so you have to be careful.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve come across during your time working here?

(Pause) Really not much at this point. Just the tires clamped to the rack if the bike was stolen.

Did you ever have to scare off anybody trying to steal bikes?

No, I haven’t done that yet.

You don’t have a club or something just in case?

No, no Taser or anything. That’s against UA policy; I asked. (Laughs)