Girl: Hey, would you be devastated if I died? Besides the fact that I’d be like dead I mean. . .
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(After friend talks about how she loves the new British guy she is dating)Girl: Does he have a castle?
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Mom: How many people do you think see us and think that you’re my boy toy and not my son?Son: None.Mom: So they all think I’m your mother?Son: Yeah.Mom: Fuck you.
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(Girl reading a text message to her friend)Girl: Oh my god, I’m not even going to respond to him! Wait, what should I say to that?