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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat

 

    To screw or to woo?

    At a school like the UA, we are all too familiar with the infamous “”walk of shame””: It’s 6 a.m., your hair is disheveled and you’re stumbling home in last night’s heels. In the midst of midterms, you haven’t the time for a real relationship. That hookup last night was the closest thing to a relationship you’ll get all semester.

    According to Laura Sessions Stepp’s book “”Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both,”” relationships among today’s youth have changed. While some traditional dating still exists, the trend has shifted toward the “”hookup.””

    And rightfully so: We are a schedule-driven generation. We were raised to succeed financially and professionally. As a result, our personal lives, including relationships and the ability to form a true human connection, has been pushed aside and traded for brief sexual interactions. That future Porsche replaced Prince Charming.

    So what is a “”hookup””? Hookups are sexual interactions without any emotional attachment or commitment. Why take the time to go on that uncomfortable date and become emotionally attached when there is a much more convenient option available?

    On the other side of the spectrum is the treacherous, time-consuming process of dating. Dating is an uncertain, confusing and rule-less game. And although there is an uncanny amount of literature, Web sites, articles and friends willing to give dating advice, there are no clear-cut rules of engagement. Modern dating is nothing but mixed messages and frustrating expectations.

    The “”hookup”” is the result of this confusion. Think about it: The hookup is straightforward and precise. The rules are clear-cut – let there be no strings attached and no scrambled eggs with coffee in the morning. Therefore, the appeal of the hookup far exceeds that of dating.

    In terms of dating, today’s men play something of a guessing game: Do I open her door? Do I pay, or will she be insulted if I don’t? Do I call her? Should I ask her on a date? Would she rather meet at a party?

    Women’s roles have drastically changed as well.

    According to Stepp, “”Young women’s goal was, at one time, to save their bodies and their reputations for someone they loved, while young men were encouraged to play the field. Young men are still expected to be players, but now young women have jumped into the arena with them.””

    Congratulations, we are in the same playing field. Although that may create more bewilderment, we should embrace the fact that we have defined our own boundaries. But with all of the different relationship options available, we shouldn’t feel limited to only the hookup.

    Although it may seem perplexing and somewhat uncomfortable, there may be some value in traditional dating. For example, sitting across from someone you don’t know very well could actually force you to improve your communication skills. And assuming that our generation hasn’t sworn off marriage, dating gives you an opportunity to determine what you like and don’t like in someone.

    The major hurdle with dating is in the lack of communication between the two species.

    Ladies: Instead of assuming they can read your mind, be assertive and tell them exactly what you want in a date. If you are looking for an actual relationship, you might want to keep your legs crossed on the first date.

    Gentlemen: For goodness’ sake, a text message is not a means of asking a girl on date! And if you are taking her on a “”date,”” that does not include a frat party.

    That said, you cannot generalize men or women. Some women want to be called, and have doors opened while others want to open their own damn doors. And guys aren’t psychics. They aren’t going to know what you want unless you tell them.

    More importantly, you cannot generalize a generation. We are not a lost cause. We express ourselves and celebrate the boundaries we have crossed. If the hookup works for you, fine, go out and enjoy.

    But there is something to be valued in the chaos known as dating. Let’s not be the generation that forgot how to feel and was too busy to form a real relationship.

    Lila Burgos is an international studies junior. Chelsea Jo Simpson is a journalism sophomore. They can be reached at letters@wildcat.arizona.edu

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