Did you hear Bret Michaels is in the hospital?

No, why?

Brain hemorrhage, he’s bleeding from his brain. He could totally die.

Oh, my god.

Fill in the blank: If Bret Michaels dies I will always remember him from ___.

Um, what was that reality show he was on?

Rock of Love.

That’s what I’ll remember him from.

Quiz: Bret Michaels always wears a bandana because: a) he’s completely bald b) he has a really ghetto weave or c) all of the above.

C. There’s just no chance he has long, platinum blonde hair. No chance.

What do you think caused his brain hemorrhage?

All the drugs.

I think it was the bandanas. They probably squeezed his head too tight. OK, we’re going to play a game. You are with the three Kardashian sisters. You have to marry one, hook up with one and kill one. Go.

Oh, I would marry Kim. I love her. She’s the most put-together. She always made time for Reggie when they were together. I would kill Khloe, because I can’t stand her. And I’d hook up with Kourtney, because she’s cute and little.

Ew, she just had a kid! That’s someone’s mother.

But she’s the cute, little All-American girl.

Fine. Would you marry Rob just to be in the family?

Yeah. I think he’s cute. He’s starting like a facial product line.

That’s uber masculine. Which Kardashian sister’s style do you like the best?

Kim. Even though I don’t have a really bodacious body.

Kim’s a little too glitter, big-hoop-earring, Jenny-from-the-block for me.

— Claire Engelken