We found civil engineering freshman Tyler Tussey at the Park Student Union after he accidentally threw a boomerang on the roof.
Wildcat: All right you’re on the spot. If you could be fed from a sting ray’s mouth, what food would it be?
Tussey: Definitely a dessert of some sort.
W: What kind of dessert?
T: Cheesecake, I’m thinking.
W: The sting ray would be swimming in the Antarctic or Hawaii or some kind of ocean like that. Do you think it would be all right if the cheesecake was a bit salty?
T: Definitely. I think there’s salt in cheesecake.
W: Yeah, it would be good. I just asked because I had a dream last night that I was swimming with sting rays and then one of them fed me a cooked shrimp from their mouth. But then it was really chewy and I threw it into the air. What’s the coolest animal you’ve ever pet?
T: A walrus at Sea World.
W: Did you pet that “”Free Willy?””
T: I’m not a friend of the whales. They’re too big.
W: But a walrus is pretty big too!
T: But whales, they can’t comprehend. You can’t teach a whale anything, but you can teach a walrus a lot.
W: What can you teach it?
T: To do tricks.
W: Like, jump, be invisible, walk on grass, climb a tree, learn card games?
T: Maybe.
W: Yeah, it would have to have hands though. But it can’t count cards. If you took a walrus to a casino, would you let it count the cards? Even if you knew it could be arrested?
T: I wouldn’t. I don’t want the walrus to get hurt.
W: You’re right. Do you think animals like music?
T: Yes.
W: What kind of music do they like?
T: “”(The) Little Mermaid”” with the reggae. Maracas, steel drums.
W: Do you think all the animals like the same kind of music or do only fish and scorpions and squid like that kind of music?
T: Definitely underwater creatures like certain kinds of music and above land creatures like other kinds.
W: What kind of animal do you think listens to Lil Wayne?
T: Snakes.
W: Have you ever picked up dog poop with your hands?
T: No. Not yet.
W: What’s the weirdest animal you’ve ever seen pooping?
T: I’ve seen a lot of animals pooping. I’m going to have to say snakes again.
W: Where does it come out, their mouth?
T: There’s some hidden hole.
W: How do you hide a hole in a snake?
T: Very scaly.
W: Do you think sidewinders make poops in a skid-mark?
T: They’re S-shaped.
W: The poops?
T: Yeah, they come out S-shaped.
W: OK, that’s good.
– interview by Andi Berlin
