Well Wildcats, what some consider the most important day of the year has finally arrived. Individuals around the country will embrace their primal urges as they watch some achieve glory and others bow their heads in shame.
You guessed it. The Super Bowl, also known as the closest thing we have to a modern-day gladiator battle, has arrived.
Despite all the hype that surrounds this supposed game of games, the Super Bowl is really nothing but a plain old football game with more interesting commercials, and an excuse to gain about 20 pounds through the consumption of excessive amounts of pizza and other junk food.
Some fail to realize that many of us have plenty of other ways we would rather spend our Sunday than watching grown men tackle each other and throw around a strangely shaped ball while getting paid more money than any of us will ever see in our entire lives.
Unfortunately, a negative stigma is attached to admitting you don’t like football. It has become on par with saying “I hate puppies” or even “I love Nickelback,” things that once you say, you can never take back.
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Oh well, 2017 has arrived and you should no longer feel embarrassed or think of yourself as the modern day antichrist just for admitting you would prefer to occupy your Sunday with other activities, rather than watching the Super Bowl. Plenty of football games happen throughout the year, after all.
Non-football lovers can go to the movies on this day, a great option for all. As you might guess, the movie theater becomes a desolate wasteland filled with emptiness and bleak misery once the big game starts. You will probably have the entire movie theater all to yourself as you sit back, relax and enjoy that much deserved tub of popcorn. No matter who wins the game, you’re the real winner in this scenario.
You can use Super Bowl Sunday as a “me day” and catch up on all the things you have meant to do lately, but just haven’t had the time. This could take the form of running errands, going grocery shopping or even throwing eggs at people’s houses. The world becomes your playground for one day each year, so please make sure not to waste it.
The only thing that can actually make the agony of sitting through the Super Bowl worse is getting invited to a Super Bowl party. These words will make any non-football fan cringe the same way that hearing nails on a chalkboard would. The idea of having to share the torture of watching the game with friends, family or even coworkers becomes a sickening nightmare too terrible to even think about.
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If you receive one of these invitations, make sure to get out quick. You could always say you already have another Super Bowl party to go to that day, but that you will still “try to stop by.” Next, make a quick name drop about one of the players or just yell “football” really loudly and you have successfully alluded the dreaded Super Bowl party invitation without making it known that you would rather spend the day pushing a cheese grater against your forehead than actually having to watch the game with those people.
You should treat avoiding the Super Bowl as an art form, much like painting or dancing. It takes dedication, effort and talent to perfect the craft but eventually, it will become second nature.
Follow these steps and take time for yourself during the big game. Remember, don’t let Sunday become about Matt Ryan or Tom Brady. It’s about you.
Follow Alec Kuehnle on Twitter.
