Space spam

The story: Want to become an intergalactic celebrity? If you’re British, now is your chance. Frito-Lay has teamed up with the EISCAT Space Centre in Norway to send the first ultra-high-frequency radar advertisement into space to the Ursa Major constellation. From now until June 12, Frito-Lay is holding a competition for British citizens to create and decide on the winning 30-second commercial. The winner receives œ20,000 and intergalactic fame.

The response: It scares me that the first words of alien invaders might be, “”We come in peace. Take us to your leader, Chancellor Dorito.”” It looks like the great speculations of science fiction writers are over: The first human words to alien life forms will not be messages of hope or love, or even Beatles lyrics, but advertisements. The move is only fitting though; the collaboration is indicative of both the hard position researchers are in for funding and of the changing sources of research funds. As Web innovators are proving, the great financial engine of the day is not direct goods and services, but corporate advertising. The Frito-Lay collaboration with EISCAT is mutually beneficial, albeit somewhat cheesy: The stunt provides EISCAT with an undisclosed donation to advance radar technology and Frito-Lay gets extra marketing exposure for weirdness.

The event calls into question, though, what messages we as humans will send to foreign life forms. We will come across as a power-hungry species eager for conquest, a greedy self-serving race riddled by individualism, or a people able and eager to cooperate? Will they think we are a species consumed by our need to live in luxury, surrounded by bowls of lightly toasted cheese chips? Regardless of how we appear, the wavelength will likely be propelled by our own consumerism. Nanoo nanoo.

Ore-owned!

The story: A 28-year-old man in a small town in Connecticut blames an errant Oreo for his speeding. The man said the Oreo slipped from his hand as he dunked it into a cup of milk, and he lost control of his speed as he tried to fish it out. He has been previously charged with speeding and driving under a suspended license.

The response: Humankind still has trouble grasping one of the first lessons introduced to us: holding oneself accountable for one’s own actions. Like all lessons, we don’t follow this one all the time, but someone has failed to teach this man the importance of accountability since he resorted to blaming an Oreo for his irresponsibility.

People have become creative in coming up with ways to get out of tickets, so perhaps this man thought he would be sent away with a warning. With a poor driving record and an arguably worse excuse, he’s to blame for his speeding and should have come up with something more clever or reasonable. He may have been let off, but because this was not his first time speeding or driving illegally, he deserves to pay whatever fine is asked of him, go to court and take responsibility for speeding.

Luckily for the other drivers on the road, nothing more than a court sentence came out of this instance of speeding. No one was hurt, but had there been an accident, the man may very well have been taken to court for more serious charges. As the only one at fault, blaming an Oreo would further address this man’s idiocy and devastate his case. That’s definitely not a good sign, but even scarier is the fact that people seriously believe stupidity can get them out of trouble.