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The Daily Wildcat

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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat


    On The Spot

    On The Spot

    We found civil engineering freshman Tyler Tussey at the Park Student Union after he accidentally threw a boomerang on the roof.

    Wildcat: All right you’re on the spot. If you could be fed from a sting ray’s mouth, what food would it be?

    Tussey: Definitely a dessert of some sort.

    W: What kind of dessert?

    T: Cheesecake, I’m thinking.

    W: The sting ray would be swimming in the Antarctic or Hawaii or some kind of ocean like that. Do you think it would be all right if the cheesecake was a bit salty?

    T: Definitely. I think there’s salt in cheesecake.

    W: Yeah, it would be good. I just asked because I had a dream last night that I was swimming with sting rays and then one of them fed me a cooked shrimp from their mouth. But then it was really chewy and I threw it into the air. What’s the coolest animal you’ve ever pet?

    T: A walrus at Sea World.

    W: Did you pet that “”Free Willy?””

    T: I’m not a friend of the whales. They’re too big.

    W: But a walrus is pretty big too!

    T: But whales, they can’t comprehend. You can’t teach a whale anything, but you can teach a walrus a lot.

    W: What can you teach it?

    T: To do tricks.

    W: Like, jump, be invisible, walk on grass, climb a tree, learn card games?

    T: Maybe.

    W: Yeah, it would have to have hands though. But it can’t count cards. If you took a walrus to a casino, would you let it count the cards? Even if you knew it could be arrested?

    T: I wouldn’t. I don’t want the walrus to get hurt.

    W: You’re right. Do you think animals like music?

    T: Yes.

    W: What kind of music do they like?

    T: “”(The) Little Mermaid”” with the reggae. Maracas, steel drums.

    W: Do you think all the animals like the same kind of music or do only fish and scorpions and squid like that kind of music?

    T: Definitely underwater creatures like certain kinds of music and above land creatures like other kinds.

    W: What kind of animal do you think listens to Lil Wayne?

    T: Snakes.

    W: Have you ever picked up dog poop with your hands?

    T: No. Not yet.

    W: What’s the weirdest animal you’ve ever seen pooping?

    T: I’ve seen a lot of animals pooping. I’m going to have to say snakes again.

    W: Where does it come out, their mouth?

    T: There’s some hidden hole.

    W: How do you hide a hole in a snake?

    T: Very scaly.

    W: Do you think sidewinders make poops in a skid-mark?

    T: They’re S-shaped.

    W: The poops?

    T: Yeah, they come out S-shaped.

    W: OK, that’s good.

    – interview by Andi Berlin

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