On the Spot

On the Spot

Andi Berlin

We found Comedy Corner Director Daniel “”Box”” Kirby, an interdisciplinary studies junior, after a Comedy Corner show.

Wildcat: OK, you’re on the spot. We’re going to do improv. I’ll just give you a topic. OK, There’s a pear in a box.

Kirby: Where are the rest of the pears? Usually if there’s a pear in a box, there were a lot of them, because pears don’t just come single in a box.

W: I stole them … and put them … in Iraq.

K: To aid the troops, because they’re probably malnourished, and I guess pears would help them.

W: They’ve got fiber. Wait, do we need more specifications for this?

K: I’m not sure what we’re doing.

W: I’m not very good at this. I tried out for Comedy Corner and I didn’t get it.

K: Oh.

W: OK, there’s a pear in a box … with herpes? No. OK, OK. Let’s just do another one.

K: I’m not sure what we’re doing though. Are we just talking about whatever you’re saying?

W: We just gotta act it out. I’ll just give you a situation instead of a pear in a box. That’s kind of vague. OK, Your mother just died and I’m going to tell you. I’m knocking on your door.

K: Uh, hello?

W: Hi.

K: Come in and have some cookies.

W: Your mother just died.

K: Well, you’re not getting your cookie now.

W: That’s kind of spiteful.

K: You shouldn’t have told me my mom died.

W: This isn’t working out. This is too intense.

K: (Sighs.) You’re right. I’ll calm down. I’ll get the milk.

W: Let’s do another situation. I just spilled salt all over you.

K: Yeah, we’re cooking now. Saltttt!

W: This is too intense. I don’t know how to respond.

K: Let’s put it in the oven. Are you pre-heated, cause I’m coming!

W: I … I’m heated. Wait, I don’t even think we can say that in the paper. I’ll edit that out later. No, I won’t edit that out. I don’t even know how to spell “”coming.”” Is it C-O-M-E, or C-O … I … U…

K: It depends on which “”coming”” you’re talking about. C-U-M-M-I-N-G would be referring to ejaculation…

W: But if it’s a pun…

K: You can’t really write a pun like that. It’s more of a verbal pun.

W: OK, we’re in a strip club and a plane crashes into a neighboring building, which falls on another building, which makes that other building explode shards of glass into the strip club. OK go, I’m a stripper.

K: Good dance, you’re blowing shit up baby!

W: Wahhhhh! There’s glass all over me!

K: That’s hot. I’ve got 30 bucks in ones that’s all you if you can roll around in the glass.

W: It hurts.

K: Burn the building down. Burn the roof off.

W: Burni … I’m burning.

K: I’m burning for you.