OK, quiet down boys. We’ve got a lot of questions in the box today, and not enough time to get through them all. So let’s get started.

Q: I’m white. Should I still feel insecure about my penis size because of racial stereotypes?

A: I guess, yeah, according to www.matterofsize.com forum member “”jonny rod.”” In the forum thread he started, titled “”White men suffer most from penis myths,”” Mr. Rod explains that, “”All I’m saying is even if a black man is small he will be perceived as large due to the myth. The white and Asian men will always be looked down upon and degraded by women for the supposed ‘inadequacies.'”” Well said, jonny.

Q: My penis points in a weird direction when I get an erection. Is there something wrong with me?

A: Not anymore! According to a 1997 article in “”Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy,”” there exists “”… questionnaire and photo analysis implying the need for moderate increases in the Kinsey figures in three areas: more n-curve erections … more erection angles in the lower ranges, with at least one fourth below horizontal.”” See, you’ve been normal for at least 14 years, assuming there hasn’t been new conclusive research on erection curve angles since the turn of the century. I couldn’t have been bothered to find a more recent article. Sorry.

Q: Do I have a micropenis?

A: Unlikely! According to the article “”Penis Myths Debunked”” by LiveScience.com, “”Micropenises (penises with a flaccid length of less than 2.7 inches) … is estimated to affect only about 0.6 percent of men.”” See, those are pretty good odds. If you are still not sure whether or not you have a micropenis, but are still curious, you should download a free print ruler on the Internet. Then do math.

Q: My significant other is performing oral sex on my penis. Now what?

A: Hold up! Take a minute to catch your breath. This is really happening. Now, before you do anything else, “”do not force your penis deeper into your partner’s mouth unless they have given you the OK to do so. This can be very uncomfortable and can make a person feel like they are choking”” says Dr. Yvonne Fulbright in her sex-help novel “”Touch Me There!””

Q: I do not seem to be able to get an erection when my significant other is trying to make the moves on me sometimes. Is that cool? Am I getting old or should I just cheat on them or something?

A: Not necessarily. University of Alberta Health Centre’s interactive safe-sex tutorial “”It’s Your Call — Making Sexual Decisions”” reminds us that “”the causes of erectile difficulty are not usually medical, but are far more often related to other factors such as: fatigue, preoccupation with other things, anger, ill-health, alcohol and other drugs (including prescriptions), relationship dissatisfaction, and lack of sufficient stimulation (physical or psychological).”” Were you tired, distracted, mad, sick, drunk or on prescription drugs the last time you tried to have sex? No? Well, those other two don’t look that good. I’d flip for it.