Imagine a typical day on campus. You are rushing to class when someone sporting a backpack approaches you. Despite the audible groan that is uttered from your lips, the person continues to approach, pronouncing the words: “May I ask you a couple of quick questions?”

It’s a quagmire of a situation; it could be a poor kid trying to get data for an “A” on his statistics project, or it could be one of those religious fanatics.

Taking a chance, you say, “sure” and regret it the instant the word comes out of your mouth. So, to you religious people out there that love asking me questions, I have a couple for you.  

First, how many people do you convert with this three-question method? I highly doubt that your three questions will honestly make many people question their religious stance. Do statistics prove that asking people three questions on the way to class yields a high conversion rate? I doubt it.

Chances are that most of the campus does not share your beliefs, so you probably will not like the answers to your questions. Thus, you set everyone up for failure. Why in the world would we want to take a test we’ve already failed? And on the off chance that we answer your questions correctly, you would be so astonished that it would just create a really awkward moment, making it a lot more than a quick three questions.

Second, why in the world would you say your questions are “quick”? Both you and I know that if I take the time to answer the questions for your religious study that it will hardly be quick. You would ask your questions, I would answer incorrectly and then you would tell me your right answers and that I should seek help at your Bible group. That would be way longer than the one extra minute I have to talk to you. Plus, when I am walking by at a rapid pace, why would you think that I would be someone good to talk to? I clearly have a very heavy backpack on, different from your backpack, which I am sure, is light because of all the “holiness,” and my quick pace indicates that I am late to something. You always choose the worst time to talk to me.

Lastly, religion is, and always has been, a touchy topic, so why bring it up on the UA Mall? People tend to reserve conversations about God for their churches or their close friends. When walking on the Mall, one doesn’t want to be accosted by people about their religious beliefs.

Unfortunately, while it may be extremely annoying to have to be asked these questions when en route to class, you are allowed to be there. According to university policy, as long as they are not provoking violence, these holy investigators are allowed to ask questions on campus. It just seems that you may get better opinions near a church than outside the Student Union Memorial Center. Although you are allowed to be on campus, I highly doubt you are doing as good a job as you would be near a church where people are at least in the same frame of mind as you.

Perhaps you should take a leaf from the old missionary’s book, and bring your questions to people in other countries rather than to a college campus.  

—Dan Desrochers is a chemistry freshman. He can be reached at letters@wildcat.arizona.edu.