Five Classic Albums You Must Hear Before You Die

The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan:

Bob Dylan (1963)

From the beautifully haunting lyrics of “”Girl From the North Country”” to the angst-ridden “”Masters Of War,”” pre-electric Bob Dylan defines the Beatnik generation.

Sticky Fingers:

Rolling Stones (1971)

Who doesn’t love an interactive album cover, especially when it allows listeners to zip down a man’s tight black pants in order to view his white cotton underwear? Plus, you can learn how to bring “”Dead Flowers”” to someone’s grave and hear some racy lyrics in “”Brown Sugar.””

Speaking in Tongues:

Talking Heads (1983)

Not only does this fifth studio album released by the Talking Heads include the infamous “”Burning Down the House,”” but it also has the one and only love song ever written by David Byrne in “”This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody).””

Alice’s Restaurant:

Arlo Guthrie (1967)

Now, this might not be the greatest album of all time, or even Arlo Guthrie’s best album. However, everyone needs to listen to 18 minutes and 34 seconds of Arlo Guthrie’s advice on how to avoid the draft.

Marquee Moon:

Television (1977)

Television emerged from the CBGB scene at the dawn of the punk age. Marquee Moon mixes early punk and late glam to provide unforgettable hits such as “”See No Evil”” and, of course, “”Marquee Moon.””

— compiled by Alex Gendreau

Five albums you can safely skip before you die

Canto:

Gino Vannelli (2003)

Even if I could make myself forget that I was listening to my mom’s favorite artist, complete with skin-tight leather pants and the same lacquered hairstyle my grandma still sports, I would still be listening to 11 sub-par opera-esque songs.

Xanadu Original Soundtrack:

Olivia Newton-John, Electric Light Orchestra and others (1980)

I would be willing to bet that this movie and the subsequent soundtrack are single-handedly responsible for the continuation of the Cold War into the 1980s. I bet that by 1979 the Soviets were completely willing to give up the war, until they heard the title track to Xanadu and decided to stay in it just to teach us a lesson. Needless to say, this one is a Xana-don’t.

Hooray for Boobies:

The Bloodhound Gang (2000)

We all know the song “”The Bad Touch””; I know my 11-year-old self spent hours contemplating whether we were all just meant to do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. I later bought the CD to aid in my ongoing edification, only to be sorely disappointed. Songs like “”Yummy Down on This”” proved to be a more sadistic and less successful mixture of any Korn and Metallica song, but with far less melody or personality.

Country Gospel Greats (1992):

Conway Twitty

Conway Twitty is a great American country singer who probably should have stuck to country. Though I can appreciate Twitty’s spirit, I realized just how badly I would go to hell (if I believed in it) when I laughed out loud at “”Jesus is a soul man, and I’m sure sold on him … “” I tried to redeem myself by listening to the rest of the album, but I couldn’t seem to escape the discord. As penance, I’ll be forcing myself to listen to this album on a loop until Easter rolls around.

Lohan Holiday:

Ali Lohan (2006)

Apparently under the pretense that her older sister’s singing career was a major success, Ali Lohan decided she would tackle holiday-time jollies with her pre-pubescent voice and pre-cocaine Lindsay looks. She failed. The single “”I Like Christmas”” delivers synthesizer voice modification and background music reminiscent of the pre-recorded beats on my 1998 Casio keyboard.

— compiled by Izajah Gordon