We interviewed employee Marcus Gallardo while he was smoking outside of the Subway on North Park Avenue and East Speedway Boulevard.

Wildcat: Ok, you’re on the spot. Tell me a weird story.

Gallardo: We had a lot of people come in yesterday that were all drunk.

W: What did they do?

G: Made a giant mess, nothing really. They were screaming, yelling, running around. We get a lot of drunk people.

W: What’s the worst thing that drunk people do?

G: Throw up everywhere. All over the floor, all over the tables, bathrooms.

W: Did they apologize later?

G: Some of them do, the nice ones. The other ones just leave.

W: They’re probably too embarrassed. I saw someone throw up at an IHOP once all over the ground. But at the same time, there were these people who were also drunk and they were laying on the ground, so they threw up right next to them.

G: It happens.

W: Are there a lot of debaucheries when drunk people come in? Are they obnoxious?

G: A lot of people start stuff. A lot of fights happen late at night.

W: Do you and Jack in the Box and Los Betos challenge each other for the most badass-ness?

G: We don’t really talk to Jack in the Box too much. Nothing personal. We kind of keep to ourselves. Betos, we talk to now and again.

W: Do you have a silly story?

G: Not really. The silliest thing we do here is make our own games up when we get bored.

W: What kind of games?

G: Anything we can think of that will entertain us, like throwing pickles.

W: Do you play Pisha Paysha? Wait, you throw pickles around?

G: We try to get them stuck to the windows.

W: Do you throw pickles at the drunk people?

G: Yeah, we do something called the bread pan. When somebody’s in the bathroom, we get one of the pans from the back and we smack the doors with it, and it echoes really really loud.

W: Does that old guy still come in who would eat there everyday? He had a long beard.

G: Is he white?

W: Yeah.

G: Yeah, that guy still comes in.

W: That guy’s weird. He would make jokes but he’d always have crumbs all over him.

G: We get a lot of homeless people here. We don’t mind them, as long as they don’t cause problems.

W: As long as they don’t throw up on the floor. Have you ever had a really smelly person that comes in?

G: Yeah, we get them all the time. We have to put up with them though.

W: Is there a certain food you suggest for them?

G: Bacon. I suggest bacon on everything.

-Andi Berlin