Trending Up

Seedy eight: The Republican primary for Congressional District 8 has ended and, as expected, 2010 nominee Jesse Kelly will move on to face Democrat Ron Barber, former aide of Gabrielle Giffords, who resigned after being shot on Jan. 8, 2011.

Unfortunately, this fact hasn’t stopped Democrats from saying Kelly is “on the warpath against Arizona’s middle-class families,” and Republicans from saying Barber will be just a “rubber stamp” in Washington.

It’s nice to see that it’s back to politics as usual. Green Party candidate Charlie Manolakis is starting to look pretty good right about now.

Vatican getting cross with nuns: The Vatican conducted an investigation into the Leadership Conference of Women Religious, a group that represents 80 percent of nuns and sisters in the U.S. and found that members spread “radical feminist themes incompatible with the Catholic faith,” according to a report released on Wednesday.

Specifically, the report says American nuns question the Catholic church’s teachings on sexuality.

Oh? What teachings? That homosexuality is a sin? That priests and nuns shouldn’t be allowed to marry? That everyone who uses contraceptives is a ho fo sho?

Maybe the Vatican has a point. After all, if there’s anyone who would understand the complexities of the feminist movement, it would be an 85-year-old man who spends the majority of his time in Italy.

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In Her Majesty’s Not-so-Secretive Service: More Secret Service agents are expected to resign amid an ongoing investigation into a prostitution scandal in Colombia. Three agents have already resigned during the fallout, which began over an alleged pay dispute between a Secret Service agent and a Colombian prostitute.

While many are focusing on how this might strain the relationship between the two countries or jeopardize President Barack Obama’s security, what is far more interesting is why this agent broke the cardinal rule of prostitution: You always have to pay for the lay. Maybe they’ll garnish the agent’s pension to pay the lady of the evening back.

Venti with room, hold the insects: Starbucks has announced that it will begin the process of transitioning away from the use of cochineals, a scale insect found in Central and North America, to provide dye in the company’s inexplicably popular Frappuccino drinks.

Cliff Burrows, the president of Starbucks, wrote a blog post announcing the company’s intentions on Thursday.

According to Burrows, the dye is used in Starbucks’ strawberries and crème Frappuccino, strawberry banana smoothie, raspberry swirl cake, birthday cake pop, mini donut with pink icing and red velvet whoopie pie.

This, of course, raises the questions: What, in the name of all things holy, is a Whoopie Pie? And why would I ever want it anywhere near my mouth?