No hablo diplomacy

The story: After a State Department deputy voiced concern over President Hugo Chavez’s ever-expanding power in Venezuela, he retaliated by saying, “”Go to hell, gringos!””

The response: Hugo Chavez wins lead comic (oops, I mean president) in this week’s international political drama. Oh, don’t presidents say the darndest things? This guy is pure entertainment; all bark and no bite. He only further isolates Venezuela when the truth is, he needs the “”gringos'”” heavenly oil consumption. I think he, George W. Bush and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad should make a rap album out of their hilarious soundbites.

– Lila Burgos is an international studies junior.

Bashing Jack Bauer

The story: Islamic terrorists on TV’s “”24″” nuke suburban Los Angeles, killing 12,000 fictional people. Protests abound from Muslim groups seeking more positive pop culture portrayals.

The response: Hollywood baddies always get ripped from the headlines. Islamic fanatics are destined to be the go-to villains for the lazy screenwriter on a deadline until this “”war on terror”” ends. Assuming it ain’t ending any time soon, richer images of Muslim life will likely have to sprout from the minds of Muslims. And if the next Spielberg turns out to be an Arab from Dearborn, Michigan, the world will be better for it.

– Quintin Cushner is a first-year law student.

Bringing down the church

The story: The Church of Scientology has been sowing seeds all around the Western world in the past few months, building branches in the United Kingdom, Israel, Germany and elsewhere, recruiting people ranging from prisoners and celebrities to human rights activists.

The response: Scientology itself, though loony, is a religion that ought to be respected like any other. However, the church is a fraudulent, malevolent organization. While freedom of religion is an essential right, the Church of Scientology is first and foremost a front that preys on people, not a religious organization. Someone, somewhere needs to put the boot down on them, fast.

– Taylor Kessinger is a sophomore majoring in physics, mathematics, and philosophy.

Saints as saviors?

The story: Sports Illustrated featured New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees on its cover with the words “”More Than Football … the Saints lift the city of New Orleans to higher ground.””

The response: Since Katrina, the entire sports media has done a tremendous disservice to the people of New Orleans by trying to make us believe that the Saints’ success has turned the city into a jubilant utopia. But nearly 18 months later, the city is at less than half of its pre-Katrina population, and crime still runs rampant through the streets. Acting as if New Orleans has nothing better to worry about is more than a little insensitive.

-David Francis is a pre-business sophomore.

Respectful remembrance

The story: This week, a group called Justice for All displayed towering, bloody photos of aborted fetuses on the UA Mall to try to change the sanitized perception of abortion by making people see an unborn child dying rather than a sterile-looking fetus being aborted.

The response: I do not think that huge bloody pictures on the UA Mall is the way to go. It degrades the lost life of these children. This display should have been in a location that students could choose to go see in a more respectful environment, not in the middle of the Mall.

– Joyanna Jones is a senior majoring in journalism.

K-Fed(up)

The story: The state of Britney and K-Fed’s marriage prevails as the ugliest celebrity mess of the moment.

The response: We all know Britney Spears asked for it when she married Kevin Federline – he deserted his last baby’s momma to marry Brit! So K-Fed hasn’t displayed good dad behavior, Britney displayed her panty-less crotch while partying, and these poor kids are on display for the hoard of paparazzi. This pair equals an Us Weekly frenzy, not a healthy duo of parents. Now K-Fed wants custody (a.k.a. millions in child support to buy more cars), Britney wants another Frappucino and I just don’t want to see her crotch again. The whole thing is toxic.

– Allison Dumka is a political science senior.