What Facebook groups are you a part of? What’s the most ridiculous one?

“”ASU, keeping STDs out of UA since 1885.””

Do you believe that?

Yeah, I made it.

Do you know a lot of people at ASU with STDs?

No.

But it seems like they would have them, right? They just look dirty.

Yes. They do.

Thank you for fighting the fight against STDs at UA.  Does that mean you’re being careful? Dorm life can get really sketchy.

Yes, always careful.

You could probably get an STD on your foot just from the dorm bathrooms. Or at least a fungus.

You can get, like, athlete’s foot.

Have you had any bad dorm experiences so far?

The guy across the hall from me threw up, so that smelled for a while.

That’s disgusting. Who has to clean that up?

The cleaning ladies.

Are there hot girls in your dorm?

Not in my dorm. There’s a few. AZ-So is where the hot girls are.

All the hot girls are in the same dorm? Is that coincidence or do you think the dorm staff looks at everyone’s Facebooks and tries to get the hot ones?

The girls just all apply there, it’s like the party dorm, AZ-So and Coronado.

Why is it the party dorm? Is it easier to drink there?

Nine floors of whores.

But dorm sex is really awkward, you have a roommate.

Well, you get sexiled.

Have you had to do that? Have you slept in the hall or anything?

No.

Would you sexile your roommate for a hot girl?

Probably.

How would you let your roommate know? Do you leave a sock on the door?

I’d probably text him.

Would you be mad if he sexiled you? Or would you just take one for the bromance?

Depends. Depends what time it was.

What would be an unacceptable time?

Like 10 p.m.

­—Claire Engelken