24-hour tune-out

The story: On Wednesday, the sound of silence descended upon Scotland as BBC Radio Scotland turned off the tunes in observation of “”No Music Day.”” The holiday, dreamed up by a Scottish house musician, asks individuals to consider the role of music in their lives and spend a day avoiding the world’s pervasive subliminal soundtrack.

The response: No Music Day does deserve praise for raising awareness of the horrific sonic plague that is Muzak and its ilk, which has managed to become ubiquitous in malls, bars and elevators everywhere. What was supposed to be a mood enhancer (or, possibly, a conduit for subliminal advertising) has become one of the least pleasant aspects of participating in the consumer world. However, No Music Day is only 24 hours of freedom from “”Greatest Love Songs of the ’90s.””

What about attacking the root of the problem and lobbying Muzak to stop recycling one-hit wonders once and for all? Perhaps, instead of heavily promoting one day free of terrible music, the musicians and citizens who support the holiday could organize a campaign to replace Muzak playlists with more neutral classical music, or boycott office buildings and department stores until they remove the speakers from their elevators? Twenty-four hours of silence is golden, but the real victory would be to focus on a strategy to eliminate bad music for more than one day. Having to listen to Rod Stewart wail in my ear when all I want to do is buy a sweater is bad enough, but being free of the Rodster for a day, only to dread his return tomorrow? Torture! No Music Day is a tease, and the temporary respite only makes the return of all the noise to our culture more difficult to bear. Start a No Muzak Revolution instead!

-Sarah Devlin is a sophomore majoring in English and political science, who would like to preemptively apologize to any and all Rod Stewart fans (however, that doesn’t make him suck any less).

Sounds like an awesome metal album …

The story: Marked by Black Friday and now the newest shopping holiday, Cyber Monday, the holiday shopping season has officially begun. “”Cyber Monday”” is the name given to the Monday after Thanksgiving, when online shopping sales and bargains are at their peak. According to CNNMoney.com, online shoppers are expected to have set sales records.

The response: That’s all we needed to add to the holiday madness: another day to act like a maniac in the name of the holidays. As if Black Friday wasn’t enough, we have to go and add another day of chaos. Couldn’t we have just fit in Cyber Monday with Black Friday and had “”Black Cyber Chaos Day”” instead? Then we could have at least knocked it all out at once. Furthermore, why do we even conform to these days anyway? Yeah, the sales are good, if you give up Thanksgiving to wait in line. Count up the hours spent in line and the junk ordered for bargains sake and I think we have Black Friday and Cyber Monday so we can have “”What the hell was I thinking”” Wednesday.

-Chelsea Jo Simpson is a junior majoring in journalism and Spanish.

Canada’s crazy cannabis conflict

The story: Last week, Conservatives in Canada introduced a new piece of legislation aiming to raise penalties for illegal drug trafficking, including two-year minimums for selling “”hard drugs”” and an increase in the maximum sentence for drug-related offenses to 14 years from seven

The response: This is a win-win situation for everyone. If I were a Canadian, I’d be happy that my government cares enough about me to criminalize drug use, making drug trafficking a market controlled solely by iron-fisted thugs with their hands dirty from other criminal exploits. I’d relish the chance to spend my tax dollars having these people serve a few years as state property while they rub shoulders with rapists, murderers and drug superlords in prison. Oh, wait, I’m sorry. The word I was looking for was “”idiot,”” not “”Canadian.””

But look on the bright side. The Harper government’s legislation will combat the sale of date-rape drugs, which I think we can all agree is a good thing. Moreover, it’s still miles ahead of the United States’ draconian drug policies; the Canadian legislation mostly targets drug dealers, many of whom are rather unscrupulous, instead of the comparatively innocent buyers. It’s a step in the wrong direction, and the common-sense solution is simply to start decriminalizing more drugs, but these somewhat sensible tactics from our neighbors to the north should be a shining beacon to our own government.

Best yet, it’ll help curb the number of disillusioned youngsters who complain that they’ll move to Canada if Ron Paul doesn’t win the election. Less pissing and moaning from the peanut gallery means more time for the rest of us to kick back, hang low and, if we so choose, toke up.

-Taylor Kessinger is a junior majoring in math, philosophy and physics.