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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat

 

    Who’s the real Jackass?

    Roman Veytsmanassistant sports editor
    Roman Veytsman
    assistant sports editor

    Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O and Bam Margera aren’t the only guys to make a name for themselves by being Jackasses. Inspired by the recently released “”Jackass Number Two,”” which came out in theaters on Friday, here are my top 10 Jackass moments in college athletics:

    Note: Do not attempt any of the stunts or other stupid antics performed by the following athletes or coaches. Read this at your own risk.

    10. Former Arizona basketball player Isaiah Fox and the bagel

    Although he didn’t dress up like an old man with his privates hanging out, á la Knoxville, the 6-foot-8 Fox wasn’t too sneaky in carrying out his breakfast.

    9. USC head coach Pete Carroll and former running back LenDale White, the fake death

    Carroll is known for his crazy antics, but he outdid himself last year when in collaboration with White, Carroll staged a Halloween trick that caught most of the team and coaching staff off guard.

    White pretended to be upset with a lack of carries and stormed off the field saying he had quit. At the end of practice, a dummy with White’s No. 21 was dropped from a building, at which time most of the team realized it was only a jackass prank.

    8. UConn basketball players Marcus Williams/A.J. Price laptops

    Why wait a few years to earn your money in the NBA when you can get rich quick?

    That’s exactly what Williams (now on the New Jersey Nets) and Price did by stealing $11, 000 worth of laptops. Their punishment should have been two minutes in the ballpit with anacondas.

    7. (tie) Southern Mississippi basketball head coach Larry Eustachy/Texas El-Paso football head coach Mike Price

    Former Iowa State coach Eustachy would have made Bam proud with his drinking ability when he was pictured holding a beer can and kissing coeds at a party in Colombia, Mo. Meanwhile, Price tried to top Eustachy when he visited a strip club in Florida soon after being hired as the head coach at Alabama. Price said he was “”too drunk to really know what happened”” after reports alleged that he had sex with two women in his hotel room and bought alcoholic drinks for college students.

    6. 1997 Oklahoma soccer hazing

    In a serious hazing incident at Oklahoma, then-head coach Bettina Fletcher forced freshman Kathleen Peay to wear a diaper and perform repeated oral sex acts on a banana while being sprayed with whipped cream, honey and syrup.

    The coach’s recommended punishment: Eating poop while Three 6 Mafia watches.

    5. Ex-Michigan State football players make bombs

    Terry Love and Irving Campbell, both 19-year-old redshirt freshmen receivers at Michigan State at the time, were arrested for planting three “”MacGyver bombs,”” which they told police they set off as a prank.

    Two of the three bombs went off before the players were arrested, but no one was hurt. Surely, these guys would love to take off on Knoxville’s rocket.

    4. Ex-Virginia Tech quarterback Marcus Vick

    The Jackass guys love to hit each other in the groin.

    Vick has better taste. He decided he would stomp on the leg of former Louisville defense end Elvis Dumervil.

    Some of Vick’s other jackass decisions include allegedly pointing a gun at a 17-year-old next to a McDonald’s, flipping the bird to West Virginia fans, reckless driving, possession of marijuana and providing alcohol to three 15-year-old girls.

    3. Ex-Ohio State running back Maurice Clarett

    Maybe Clarett was trying to imitate the terrorist skit, which highlighted “”Jackass Number Two,”” or he may have completely lost his mind.

    Clarett was arrested after he was caught wearing a bullet-proof vest in a car with four loaded guns and an open bottle of Grey Goose vodka. Better yet, Clarett resisted arrest, drove through a spike and had to be shot with a stun gun.

    That may be even a little too crazy for the Jackass guys, who simply chose to be shot with rubber balls used at embassies.

    2. Ex-Cincinnati basketball player Donald Little

    A true jackass professional, Little didn’t just assault his roommate, who he said had stolen money, but Little and an accomplice taped him to a chair, burned him with a heated coat hanger and stabbed him in the leg. Maybe Little was training to be a CIA interrogator. Being branded doesn’t seem so bad now.

    1. Ex-Georgetown basketball player Kenny Brunner, who spent time at Fresno State and Santa Monica College without playing at either school

    In 1998, Brunner allegedly pointed a gun and pulled the trigger on Los Angeles City College coach Mike Miller before taking $1,500. The gun luckily misfired and the charges were later dropped, but not before Brunner spent four months in jail because he couldn’t make bail.

    Of course, Brunner learned many things during that time, and he got creative. After playing for a year at Georgetown, Brunner apparently thought he was Tom Cruise in “”The Last Samurai,”” so he used his samurai sword to rob a Fresno State student of a camera and cash.

    The judge dropped the charges, saying the incident resulted from “”horsing around that got stupid.””

    Stupid indeed. What a jackass!

    Roman Veytsman is a journalism senior. He can be reached at sports@wildcat.arizona.edu.

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