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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat

 

    Super Cool News: How to make friends in college

    Freshman+Dance+Majors+Keenan+Schember+and+Hanlon+Landry+hangout+on+the+grass+hill+near+the+administrative+building+on+Wednesday+afternoon.+Schember+and+Landry+say+they+like+the+atmosphere+around+campus+so+far.
    Jesus Barrera

    Freshman Dance Majors Keenan Schember and Hanlon Landry hangout on the grass hill near the administrative building on Wednesday afternoon. Schember and Landry say they like the atmosphere around campus so far.

    Editor’s note: Super Cool News is a Daily Wildcat feature that shares the, yes, coolest news happening around town and around the country. Try not to take what its writers have to say too literally.

    Surprisingly, several students here at the UA have reported a genuine interest in meeting new people during their college careers, with some students even confirming they would actually enjoy becoming friends with some of those they meet.

    These newfound friendships consist of anything from hanging out to the occasional awkward passing on the way to class. As strange as it may seem, some students report a preference to spend time with other human beings over other alternatives such as smoking weed alone in your dorm room while watching season one of “Fuller House” on repeat.

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    Unfortunately, unless you happen to identify as a social butterfly who feeds off the energy of others, it can seem that making friends in college just does not come as easily as it did back in high school.

    Dien Truong, a junior studying molecular and cellular biology and physiology, confirmed a genuine phobia of having to speak with those he has not previously spoken to.

    “On the first day, walk into class and immediately, scan the room for someone that you knew in high school,” Truong said. “Avoid all other forms of communication at all costs.”

    Students local to the Tucson area have the privilege of feeding off the meek friendships they developed in high school and using them as a means to avoid new college friendships, but out-of-state students don’t share this same opportunity.

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    As a result, they must resort to nontraditional means of bonding with fellow students. That is, actually communicating with those they don’t know.

    Andrew Barney, a self-proclaimed “friendship expert” and currently unemployed former student, whose main source of income is playing one-on-one basketball with high schoolers for money at the local YMCA, admitted to meeting new people during his brief stint at UA.

    “I conversed with approximately 56 people during my three years as a college sophomore and I became friends with approximately seven of them,” Barney said. “Six of them also have restraining orders against me, but as long as you have more friends than pending restraining orders, you’re not doing too bad.”

    According to Barney, the key to making friends lies in the simple ability to neglect every single natural evolutionary instinct that you possess.

    “Making a new friend is a lot like jumping off a cliff. It’s not what you’re supposed to do, but it either ends with a good story to tell or several broken bones,” Barney said.

    Although not an easy thing to deal with by any means, studies show that social interactions can prove beneficial for students. When you walk in a room, instantly begin scanning the landscape for potential targets, just like a lion hunting its prey. Casually strike up a conversation once the potential friendship has been identified. In reality, friendship is really nothing more than a science.

    “It’s also important to dress based on the amount of conversation you wish to inspire,” Barney said. “Make sure to tailor your clothing to the type of people you wish to make friends with — wear a shirt with guns and you’ll get Republicans, wear one with a local coffee shop and you’ll get the hipsters. Wear one with Harambe and you’ll get everyone.”

    Although the elementary school days of instant best friendship on the school playground have come to an end, making friends in college is not impossible. Follow these tips and before long, you’ll go from figuring out how to make friends to figuring out how to avoid them because you’ll have so many.


    Follow Alec Kuehnle on Twitter


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