Patriots 28, Jets 10
So a few years ago I got this picture text from someone with a Mississippi area code. I can’t tell what the photo is of — it’s pixilated and small — but I think it was supposed to be sent to a chick. Anyway, it read, “”could rly use a massage b4 the gm”” and ended with a kissy-face emoticon. Later learning this was a text from former Jets quarterback Brett Favre, I’m thinking the Jets took a step forward in getting rid of him, and thus, controversy in general. Oh, there was a foot fetish video?
Ravens 17, Steelers 14
On paper, the Ravens and Steelers are eerily similar to one another with violent defenses and savvy wide-outs. Sure, Pittsburgh has the big names in Ben Roethlisberger (perhaps because of bathroom indiscretions) and Troy Polamalu (perhaps because of his volumetric hair), but as a depressed Arizona Cardinals fan, I have to root for Raven’s receiver Anquan Boldin. Also, the Raven logo is sick; almost Edgar Allan Poe-ish.
- Kevin Zimmerman, sports writer
Patriots 24, Jets 13
The Jets have had one foot in the door to greatness all season, but the other foot has been keeping it behind. Toeing the line of the elite is a tricky one, especially considering the Jets have been scrolling across the footer of ESPN all season for their off-the-field episodes. Considering the Pats have Tom Brady, Wes Welker and Bill Belichik — who all have great feet — I don’t see how the Jets win. Regardless, let’s go eat a goddamn snack.
Ravens 31, Steelers 27
I really, really like Ed Reed. I think he’s a perfect football player. Leading the NFL in interceptions despite playing just 10 games is, well, it’s just great. Words can’t describe that. I also really like Ray Lewis who, in addition to being an admirable spokesperson for Old Spice, is a perfect leader. Those two combined with up-and-coming Joe Flacco, who has a perfect unibrow, will beat the Steelers with ease as the Ravens further cement themselves as the perfect road playoff team.
– Tim Kosch, sports editor
Patriots 135, Jets 0
If you think the trash-talking coach can take his trash-talking thugs into Foxborough in January, you probably enjoy a 500-pound guy touching your feet. What a joke. Seriously, in the history of organized athletic competition, no franchise has endured more self-inflicted embarrassment than the Jets this season. And in the history of organized athletic competition, no franchise has more successfully dominated home postseason games than today’s modern-era Patriots. Just facts. New England keeps quiet, handles its business and lets the wins do the talking. Wes Welker and Danny Woodhead? Guys just do the damn thing, without the height and hype.
Steelers 17, Ravens 10
Why does this game matter? Winner gets a trip to Foxborough to get pummeled.
– Bryan Roy, sports writer
