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The Daily Wildcat

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The Daily Wildcat

The Daily Wildcat

 

    “On the spot: Matthew Donahue, mining engineering sophomore”

    Who are you texting?

    Stephanie.

    Who’s Stephanie?

    She’s a friend from church.

    So what are you doing right now?

    Basking in the sun next to a kinda good-looking guy.

    Is that me?

    Maybe.

    Because I’m definitely good-looking. Not “”kinda.””

    …but I’m not gay.

    Of course not. So when you say you’re in mining engineering does that mean you actually want to be one of the miners? Like in Zoolander?

    With the black lung? (Both parties commence doing really bad Ben Stiller imitations)

    No, I want to design tunnels and mines and also reclaim the land afterwards.

    How do you reclaim the land?

    You just kind of put the dirt back in the hole and then grow stuff on it, like it (was) before.

    (Reads Matt’s text)

    “”For sure. Call me””.

    Did you tell her you’re doing an interview?

    No.

    Maybe she wants to be more than friends if you tell her you’re being interviewed for the newspaper right now?

    I don’t want to be more than friends with her.

    That’s honest. You know what? She should be more than friends with you because you’re honest!

    She should!

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