Have you been following the Winter Olympics?

Somewhat. I’m more of a summer fan.

Who would you say is probably the hottest U.S. female athlete?

Oh my God, I’m pretty sure I’m not one to tell you. I’m not straight so I don’t know.

Out of all the events, what’s your favorite?

Speed skating, short distance speed skating.

Any reason why?

It’s quickest and it has the most intensity because it all comes down to the last three strides of your skate.

What would you say is the worst event?

God. Curling.

Why is that?

I don’t know. It’s like sweeping. It’s like chore work on ice. It’s household chores, thrown onto ice.

What’s your take on figure skating overall?

I think it’s cool for the person. If you can tolerate it then I’d say it’s more kudos to you. It’s kind of iffy. Again it’s kind of cool how they can defy gravity. They are really graceful on the ice, it’s just they have crappy music.

What sport in the Winter Olympics that’s not in there would you like to see?

I think just to see what type of commentary they could throw on there, ice sculpting. Why not? Like fast paced ice sculpting I think that would be interesting.

Would you say it would be like the Great Outdoor Games meets the Winter Olympics?

Yeah. Probably Canada would dominate that anyways because they’re all lumberjacks anyways.

Speaking of Canada, they’ve been saying that they’re upset with the fact that they haven’t won a lot of medals.  At least this is one sport they could probably beat the U.S. in?

Yeah we have to give them something. They’re always going to be second best in North America we might as well let them beat us in something. But I’m sure we will come up with some academy in Texas that is really good at ice sculpting, because Texas has everything.

Out of the sports that are going on now, which one would you like to see them get rid of?

Ice dancing. I don’t care for it. It’s kind of boring. It’s weird I don’t really have an opinion because I usually do. It’s just boring. And they wear the weirdest outfits; it’s like Lady Gaga on ice. Actually, that would be cool — Lady Gaga on ice. You should write that (Laughs). The only way I’d say keep ice dancing in the Winter Olympics is if Lady Gaga was performing.

I think we’re going to end it on that.

 —Rodney Haas