Super Cool News is a Daily Wildcat feature that shares the, yes, coolest news happening around town and around the country. Try not to take what its writers have to say too literally.
It’s that time of year again: the end of Family Weekend. Parents and family members are returning back out of state after a weekend of reliving their college glory days and inserting themselves into yours. They’ve heard all about your classes, met your friends and seen where you like to hang out.
If you’re not quite down to deal with the sheer volume of dad jokes that come along with Family Weekend next year, here are a few tips to ensure that your family stays far, far away from UA next year:
Make it sound unappealing
This may sound obvious, but it’s one of the most effective ways to convince the ‘rents not to come. If your parents aren’t into sports, make it sound like the only activity during Family Weekend is the football game. If they are into sports, conveniently forget to mention the game. Here are a couple sample arguments to try out:
“No, Mom, it’s just a football game. Nothing you’d be interested in.”
“I think you guys should stay home. Family Weekend is just a bunch of tours. We came here on a tour last year — it’ll be the same stuff all over again.”
Emphasize the cost
For many families, the trip here means a plane ride, and those can be expensive. On top of that, they’ll have to stay in a hotel because your dorm room is definitely not big enough for your parents and three younger siblings. They’ll also have to pay for meals and any of the additional costs associated with Family Weekend like tickets for the game or that brand-new shirt you beg them to buy you from the UA Bookstore.
“Forget” about it until it’s over
Whenever your parents ask when Family Weekend is, just say you don’t know. You’ve been so stressed with midterms and projects that you haven’t even had time to think about that. Keep this up until after Family Weekend, and then when they ask, suddenly “realize” that it’s already passed. Oops … looks like they’ll have to try again next year!
Homework
Your parents want you to do good in college, so why would they want to do something that could mess up your grades, especially when that something is traveling to Arizona for the weekend right before you have a big test or assignment due? No, you have to work on your project, and if they came for Family Weekend, you’d just spend the entire weekend with them and not doing anything productive. So really, it’s all their fault if you get a zero on that midterm next week, isn’t it?
It’s for freshmen
If you’re like me and your family is from Tucson, they probably want nothing to do with Family Weekend. They’ve already seen the UA a million times, whether it was on a tour or move-in day freshman year. If you’re an older student or someone from Tucson, remind your family that it’s mainly for out-of-state freshmen, and it would be weird to have them here.
Sure, it’s cool to drag your mom and dad around campus when it’s your first year and you’re still excited about college and going to school, but after a couple years, the sight of the Harvill building will make you nauseous, and you’re not exactly the most enthusiastic tour guide. Now it’s less about pointing out where your classes are and more about showing your family where you almost got run over by the streetcar last week. For the sake of everyone, it’s best if they just don’t come.
And if you try all these and your family still somehow makes it out here next year, don’t worry. There are a few benefits to having them around. Free food, mainly, since they’ll want to experience all the restaurants near the UA.
Also, sometimes it’s just nice to have a piece of home in an unfamiliar place, no matter how annoying or awkward they might be.
